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Dear Goddess,
Since God doesn't exist but if she did she'd be a woman, I am writing to her. Goddess.
Dear Goddess,
Today I saw the image of the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Never seen her before. She was wearing a white t-shirt and acting in a humorous vignette. I was going to message her and tell her how "holy fucking wow" I think she is but I have learned my lesson about trying to court online.
Wait this is also online. Well it's an open letter not a direct appeal Maybe it'll work better.
Anyway Goddess I am now going to proposition the New York Metro area with a personal ad:
If you want to help me send a winged messenger with good news.
BEGIN PERSON AD:
Hello single woman of youthful nature and tree climbing potential,
I am a single man with a tremendous ego and all the work to back it up. Skills, talents, abilities, realities and... super-boyfriend guaranteed.
Call because I don't trust being catfished by a text 646-773-6025 and say whatever you want. I will say yes to a date if you are, very broadly, young at heart and fleet-of-foot.
PAUSE PERSONAL AD
Oh Goddess. If only I could talk to that woman I saw on the internet. She seems so awesome.
RESUME PERSONAL AD
Selling myself when I know I am true as described, should be easier than it's been.
PAUSE PERSONAL AD
Goddess today I was motivated to flirt with someone. Did well as I expected. Does she want to go out with me tonight? I tried to call her but the phones were busy.