Congressman Alexander's Broadsheet

1964 Le Mans - Pictured are Shelby American Cobra Daytona Coupes that Defeated Ferrari! Country music is either great or terrible. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Sun, Dec 22, 2024 at 11:36 AM Subject: Good Song To: Wolf Alexander < theSpitfireHunter@gmail.com > I was about to do something else. Then a good song came on the radio. So instead I'll type since it's fun to write to music. Like it's fun to drive to music. But I don't drive anymore, alone. Because when I drive alone I have to practice for Le Mans, the 24hr automobile race in Le Mans, France. I was getting very good, when I didn't see a truck and well. It seemed safer to never drive again, alone. When I am driving someone I care about I am much more careful. But when I'm alone I really love to push the envelope -- go as fast I can.  I have to be careful about doing that while tearing through town, walking. Yesterday I did...

FOR MAID MARIAN ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Sun, Dec 22, 2024 at 10:50 AM Subject: An Interaction with a Girl To: Wolf Alexander < theSpitfireHunter@gmail.com >, Seth Sturm < sethsturm@gmail.com >, Jezika Shumate < shumatejezika33@gmail.com > Would another girl, preferably the one who wants me forever, please explain this situation to me: BRB I gotta get swap my laundry from the washer to the dryer. K I'm back. THIS HAPPENED YESTERDAY: I went outside of my hostel to smoke weed. There was a cute girl in my "spot" -- the corner where the building angles, where I can get the lighter to light in the wind. I opened by saying, jokingly, "hey you stole my spot!" Something like that. She indicated I could join her. She didn't ask me to join her but she didn't mind that I did.  We talked for about four minutes, while we both smoked. She said she didn't speak Engl...

Dear Chris (Long),  (Of Waterboys.org ) Dramatic things are possible if you consider doing what I say: Ted Turner. That rings a bell? He owns too much land. How about helping fix that. Water is your thing. Water is on land. Your family is not Super-Rich. You are rich. That's great. Really. No problem. I am a capitalist until you get to $1,000,000,000 dollars with a B. Then it's too much. Do you agree? If you agree, how about helping me. There's no question mark there. I don't discuss anything with boys. GIVE ME HELP. --Wolf Alexander P.S. (I didn't write anything for the P.S. before I pressed send, because I am high, and...) 

Boxing Before Stupid Rules Cliff Notes: He beats the ever-loving fuck out of him, after waiting until he got tired. ***** Washington D.C. December 21, 1757 Writer's block. Writer's block. Writer's block. I need to start typing something to think of something to write about. That's what I am doing. That's funny.  I swear. Wait it'll get funnier. If you think about how stupid a way to begin any story that was. "I don't have anything to talk about." "It was the best of times. It... yeah that's all I got." -Charles Dickens. See? I can rap, on paper. Almost in real life.  Writer's block. Writer's block. I am sitting looking out the window, in the cafe, of The U Street Hostel . Guess what street it's on!? Yesterday I was on K Street. Also Wisconsin Avenue. The day before I was around Howard University. Guess why? Pretty girls everywhere. If I have fireworks going off above me as I "tear" through D.C. I could be a littl...

To do the simplest goddamn thing. Send a fuckin' letter. I am at the post office. Pony Express this ain't. Not really the girls workings' fault.

CONGRESSMAN'S NOTE: Race doesn't matter.  I am the HNIC boy. Not you. I don't need to be black to be the HNIC.  Black Girls: You are hot. I have had a few hella-awesome hookups with black girls. Boys of all colors can't beat me at anything I want to win. Black boys think that because I am white and jovial to girls that I am moveable. Makeable. No. I am not. Not past my legal requirement to do what a train conductor tells me. WITHIN REASON. Example. Cocksucker boy conductor just told me I "have" to was his tone, put my jacket and hat with my name on it in the overhead bin. It ain't there now. It's not on the seat but it's not in the bin either. It's under my seat, sorta.  And he saw, definitely that I wasn't going to put it there despite his order. And since when can't I have whatever I want in the seat next to me? That I may ask him as I walk past him getting off in D.C. My first idea, that I rejected, was t...

1. THE DESTRUCTION OF THE TWO PARTY SYSTEM and replacing it with no system at all. Just people. Independent, non partisan people, running for office under their name, and behind their ideas. 2. DIRECT DEMOCRACY: "I am therefore I vote". About EVERYTHING. Congress and the President will listen to you. Everyone votes about everything they want to vote about and that will be added up. Eventually those votes will have the power of law. For the near future you will practice caring about your country and what your government is doing and you will have a say. Power. Real power to do more than vote for a different asshole every few years. Online banking is free from mass theft. So voting by phone can be too. The Super-Rich trust an electronic system to tabulate their inheritance numbers. Therefore a fraud free platform for direct democracy can be built.  3. PRO-CHOICE TILL THE DAY THEY DIE: they are the pro-life bastards whose day has come and now they will go. Girls how about female...

I was right. Six months and I'm going there. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Alex Weinstein < baberuth1920@gmail.com > Date: Mon, Apr 15, 2024, 22:03 Subject: Westside Comedy Club NYC Wins To: < loonybinlrmail@yahoo.com >, < info@unionhallny.com >, < info@eastvillecomedy.com >, < info@thebellhouseny.com >, < weddings@thebellhouseny.com >, < parties@thebellhouseny.com >, < booking@thebellhouseny.com >, < qedastoria@gmail.com >, < info@westsidecomedyclub.com >, < info@tribecacomedylounge.com >, < laugh@standupny.com >, < info@thepit-nyc.com >, < classes@thepit-nyc.com >, < corporate@thepit-nyc.com >, < marketing@thepit-nyc.com >, < info@newyorkcomedyclub.com >, < info@grislypearstandup.com >, < info@gothamcomedyclub.com >, < comicstripdaily@gmail.com >, < gladyscomedy@yahoo.com >, < dfcomicstriplive@gmail.com >,...

There was once a boy named Alex who lived in a tent on top of the hill. It was lonely at night Then one day he realized "there ain't nobody here to have fun with, ever!!!" So he prepared to leave. ***** Well the first thing you know Ol' Alex's a trillionaire! Kinfolk said "Alex move away from there" Said "New York City's the place you oughta be" So he loaded up his packs And he moved to Brooklyn. HOME A THE DODGERS THAT IS!  Swimming pools, and he's soon a movie star! ***** After two months in the woods in Central Virginia, I have had enough. Actually I haven't had enough. ATTENTION. Girls. Yours. So I am making the rational choice to git!  And enough fucking around. To conquer the United States of America you have to conquer New York. It's in the military guidebook "Beating the Super Rich at Their Own Game for Geniuses". The Eighth Congressional District of New York. THE HEART OF THE DEMOCRATIC PAR...

Him and Vance. Non violently and legally, denied entry into The Capitol Building. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Sun, Dec 15, 2024, 09:37 Subject: Re: You Are So Pathetic To: Seth Sturm < sethsturm@gmail.com > This is going to be some real Frank Underwood devilry.  Because Donald Chump really would love to beat Hakeem Jeffreys out of his seat, but obviously no Republican can. So he will help me. But by helping me he will be hurting himself. I will then remove him! and his beardy from the government. On Sun, Dec 15, 2024, 09:36 Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > wrote: Please reestablish your friendship with him as soon as possible.Thank you On Sun, Dec 15, 2024, 09:36 Seth Sturm < sethsturm@gmail.com > wrote: Why Brooklyn? It's so not natural. U have portrayed urself as a nature boy. Feels wrong. But go for it. My friend Paolo Cremidis lives somewhere in the cit...

It goes against my principles of: 1. Non violence until every reasonable alternative has been tried. He didn't run for Congress. 2. GETTING TO THE SOURCE OF THE PROBLEM. IT'S THE 400 BILLION ELON MUSK HAS THAT COULD PAY FOR every healthcare need of every American forever. I AM GOING TO MAKE HIM PAY. On Sun, Dec 15, 2024, 09:00 Seth Sturm < sethsturm@gmail.com > wrote: Wait are you serious? You don't see the reaction to this guy as inspiring? He got white chicken shits to say "ok maybe we do need to take a stand" On Sun, Dec 15, 2024 at 8:52 AM Wolf Alexander < thespitfirehunter@gmail.com > wrote: You are a sad excuse for an indian. COUNT COUP

"The Long Way Around" An EXCALIBUR LEVEL song by The Dixie Chicks Girls that means epicly great! I  Listen to This On Loop for Hours ***** My friends from high school Married their high school boyfriends Moved into houses in the same ZIP codes Where their parents live But I, I could never follow No I, I could never follow I hit the highway in a pink RV with stars on the ceiling Lived like a gypsy Six strong hands on the steering wheel I've been a long time gone now Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down But I've always found my way somehow By taking the long way Taking the long way around Taking the long way Taking the long way around I met the queen of whatever Drank with the Irish and smoked with the hippies Moved with the shakers Wouldn't kiss all the asses that they told me to No I, I could never follow No I, I could never follow It's been two long years now. Since the top of the world came ...

What I do when I'm bored: ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Sat, Dec 14, 2024, 13:27 Subject: Congressman Jackson Made Me Abort Our Baby! To: < tommy.cromie@mail.house.gov >, Seth Sturm < sethsturm@gmail.com > Cc: < angela_schulze@tillis.senate.gov >, < elizabeth_haymore@budd.senate.gov >, < john.bonus@mail.house.gov >, < maura.haydin@mail.house.gov >, < jessica.santos@mail.house.gov >, < cailon.washington@mail.house.gov >, < hannah.cooke@mail.house.gov >, < josie.ansbacher@mail.house.gov >, < freedom.richardson@mail.house.gov >, < sandra.brown@mail.house.gov >, < jessie.frank@mail.house.gov >, < hilda.harder@mail.house.gov >, < austin.hoffman@mail.house.gov >, < jessica.harrison@mail.house.gov > "Well she's a guy so..." YOU SOUND HIDEOUS, JEFF. A pig loving lawy...

---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < thespitfirehunter@gmail.com > Date: Sat, Dec 14, 2024, 19:05 Subject: Irony of Ironies To: Victor Hedron < Sethsturm@gmail.com > Children, real ones, really like me. Always have. They loved me as a teacher. They loved me as a counselor. Even though I hate them more than cats BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK GOOD ARE THEY? Nonetheless they really like me. Why? Because I let them do what they want. And who doesn't like that?  Teaching kids is so simple: Let them figure it out.  Answer their questions. Encourage them to be independent. THEN LEAVE THEM ALONE!  Parents are the stupidest type of human. They aren't kids by definition. So they don't know how to inspire children.  Children are the smartest. In real time learning capability. They are creative curious and candid. Very, very easy to deal with.  ABSOLUTELY NO BULLSHIT. Children don't know what it is.  American kids learn about b...

There is no God. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Sat, Dec 14, 2024, 14:09 Subject: Several Seconds of Truth To: Seth Sturm < sethsturm@gmail.com > I bet cancer is caused by an excess of electricity grounded in a given body area. Electricity sent by the brain because of an obsession, conscious or sunconscious. Directed energy from our head to a spot. The opposite of pain. Pain is electrical signals sent back from, a spot.  Enough thought sent to, a spot, will cause a pain. A burning of that spot, microscopically. If you are nervous, you may get an upset stomach. If you then think of/worry about your upset stomach, unendingly, you will unendingly send electricity to the spot of the upset. Do it long enough, you'll burn your healthy cells into cancerous ones.  The electricity over-exposure fucks with your cells. I cannot guarantee this is the cause of all cancers. Chemicals in everything...

I, am, furious. WHERE. IS. THE ATTENTION!?!?!?! I hate people. They're everywhere and none of them are being helpful. They get the fuck out of my way, somewhat which is nice, but so far, none of them are demanding my attention for reasons I want: 1. Love. 2. Power. GODDAMNIT NOW!!!!!!!! I WANT TO BE FAMOUS NOW!!!!!!!! I want something fun to do today NOW!!!!!!!! There are all kinds of fun "by-myself" things I can do like writing this and getting high and training for war.  BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I FUCKING WANT!!!!!!!! I WANT GIRLS!!!!!!!!! FIVE TONS OF THEM IN ABOUT 75 EQUAL PARTS!!!!!!!!! All of them DEMANDING MY ATTENTION!!!!!!!! Or at least and ultimately one, epicly great girl demanding my attention every day forever. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hello? I know goddamn made up mother fucking Jesus isn't listening. How 'bout you? SEND ME A GIRL IF YOU'RE ONE NOT EAGER YOURSELF. Otherwise, I will destroy the earth. ***** Here's a "terrori...

I am not going to hit on any girl unless you are so exciting I can't resist. And by exciting I do not mean hot. Hot is nice. A bonus on top of exciting.  Otherwise I will sit around girls all. The live long night and not approach one of you. I don't care. Boys are "supposed" to approach girls and the average one expects me to and I ain't doing it.  Gumption. Girl with gumption where art thou? Girls with gumption will approach me. It's happened before, before and I wasn't half as hot.

Only adults can take something naturally fun and fuck it up. There's a ~10 year old boy at this party who is sitting in chairs exactly like me. Bored as fuck. The three kids here were swinging on the swing like it was supposed to be swung on. I played darts. Twice. No one asked to play with me. At what point do adult-children turn into adults? After college? I never did.  See you take a group of college students, give them a building, privacy alcohol and weed and it's going to be fun. Beer pong. Definitely. Flip cup. Maybe. Unplanned hijinks definitely. At an adult party, with people with children, married, engaged, etc, it's trash. Absolute garbage fun. Drinking without the crazyness is social alcoholism. If I am not gerting drunk and high to be fast and lose and on the edge of out of control why am I doing it? I'm not. Come on, me. Get into an all single girl situation express, please.  At the moment boys are surrounding me because I am clearly the dominan...

This is going to be fun. Replying to this. As usual, I have no idea what was said. I am preparing my response anyway.  Seth, (okay now I'm going to read) Crickets because you are putting me between the law and a hard place. If I tell you what I would do to you should fisticuffs be necessary for your debt repayment reminder, or otherwise... you will lose. That's all that's really important, information-wise. What else did you say? You know full well I cannot play 1757 when it comes to violence. I wish I could. Then you wouldn't owe me $800. Would you like to make it an official duel? We both have one, weapons wise. Whenever you say. GIRLs. Boy bothering you? Want him to stop?  BUY THIS and carry it. On Fri, Dec 13, 2024 at 10:22 AM Seth Sturm < sethsturm@gmail.com > wrote: Crickets from the big bad alpha male? Guess I was supposed to beg you not to TRY beating me up? As if!  On Fri, Dec 13, 2024 at 8:35 AM Wolf Alexander < REDACTED@gmail.com > wrote: I wouldn...

It's a party! In my house!! Yeehaw! There are already more girls here at one time than there have ever been.  I am "Winston Churchill" day drinking at 8:45am. Because "it's bad." Day smoking in a minute. I have almost four ounces. I have never had so much.  This is as close to being the bouncer at a sorority that I have gotten to be. I am the fire marshal! Which is nice since I am wearing my US Marshal's badge. My "job" is to keep the fire roaring. I already started it, which is the most fun. I play with fire for my own entertainment a lot. It's my "quiet show off."  I wonder whether I should write this before the party. What if one of them reads it and doesn't like that I'm writing about them?  That's a risk I am willing to take.  I haven't told anyone I am running for Congress. I AM RUNNING FOR CONGRESS! Who's with me?! This is a farm-to-table food distribution company. Great idea. Boy who started it read the...

Some boys are so pathetic they demand other boys be like them, so they feel better. This email is why I have no male friends. Ultimately, no boy who likes girls wants to be outshown by another boy. Unfortunately for them, all boys are gonna have to put up with that with me. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < R EDACTED> Date: Fri, Dec 13, 2024, 05:42 Subject: Re: BIG APOLOGY! To: Seth Sturm < sethsturm@gmail.com > COCKBLOCK. THAT FUCKING ATTITUDE RIGHT THERE. IF YOU PULLED THAT TRICK IN FRONT OF OR TO A GIRL I LIKE I WOULD BE INCLINED TO THROW YOU OUT THE FRONT DOOR OF WHEREVER WE WERE AND BEAT YOU IN THE STREET. On Thu, Dec 12, 2024, 22:59 Seth Sturm < sethsturm@gmail.com > wrote: Sure.  On Thu, Dec 12, 2024 at 7:52 PM Wolf Alexander <REDACTED> wrote: Dude. The girl who gets me is going to be happier than you can define.

I was a Naval Intelligence REDACTED. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < REDACTED@gmail.com > Date: Fri, Dec 13, 2024, 13:27 Subject: Re: BIG APOLOGY! To: Seth Sturm < sethsturm@gmail.com > And to conclude. That's what you said. On Sat, Dec 14, 2024, 00:54 Wolf Alexander <REDACTED> wrote: 1. Glad you put that on the record. 2. I killed Chris Stratton, Ojeda's advisor. This boy:  Expired Because of Me . 3. You are strong and fat, and winded at half a hill. I would whoop you six ways from Sunday. 4. You are older than me in every way but the math. 5. I have had a few real fights. Enough. 6. You should worry if you decide to prove me wrong. I WOULD KILL YOU IN LESS THAN A MINUTE. 7. I confess you are missing a good party. S pitfire Hunter .com On Fri, Dec 13, 2024 at 12:32 PM Seth Sturm < sethsturm@gmail.com > wrote: You're non violent though. You've definitely never killed multiple people and dumpe...