Congressman Alexander's Broadsheet

Proving children right forever: desert, usually has something milky or heavy fat'y and that! Has the most calories per gram which is what's wisest to eat. You stupid fucking parents and experts. #@

Danger Dumbass: this is a fact not a punishment: any girl who rejects me is going to suffer: not because I do anything: but because I'm beyond awesome: and they wasted their chance: what else to call their lesser future than suffering? #@

The definition of a p!g: he's doing you a favor not being a cocksucker. The definition of a rebel. "If you think your authority makes you more powerful, say the wrong thing". #@

Okay D-Girl

Michigan native Rachel Tokar was found famous today, on the street outside where she was staying. Friends say she had been talking about becoming famous for some time. Family reports that she was in love with someone previously but they broke up, and that may have contributed to her cause of life. #@

Get tamed by me. You'll enjoy it. I've been tamed by you since last year and I've enjoyed it. ®+

There was nothing wrong with Mary Todd Lincoln except she was married to an asshole. #@

How many doctors do you know who have done experiments on themselves? If not, all they've done is copy the ideas of someone else out of a book. Who didn't live forever. #@

A headcold (and headache) is a swollen brain. And can be cured immediately (albeit temporarily sometimes), by chilling your skull under a coldest shower. Your swollen brain forces fluid out of every system. I just felt cured. Now my head is heating back up and I'm feeling sicker as my lightbulb pushes against its walls. #@

An unrecognized celebrity has no power. #@

We trained ourselves a little to get sick so we got a snow day. Bad habit. #@

I threw a Bible in the trash at my last hotel. #@

My ex-girlfriend is trying to be Claire the character and Julie Bowen her actress from Modern Family. #@

Anyone Who Buys a Tovala Should Be Shot

I'm Antisemitic

I Could Do So Much Damage If I Was a Parent

How Parents Fuck Up Their Children

"Lesbians" Don't Get It

Fools Rush Out

I'm The New Man. #@

Pepto Bismol: "Are you sick to your stomach? Drink this disgusting looking and tasting mystery substance!" ®+

It's Sunday and I'm Sick

Valentine's Day: While Awaiting Your Non Answer

BIG BET: If you want me to stop writing to you (and eventually thinking about you) post "no" on a story picture. Just "no" on any photo of yourself and i give you my word I'll quit trying for you. If you don't post "no" but intend never to give me a chance, you're admitting to usery and meanness. I also promise not to use that reply against you in court. This expires Monday when i go into the woods around here (got a cabin on the Potomac). ®+

Somebody needs to invent the instant-you're-pregnancy test. The second my never say quit sperm drives itself into your egg a "he shoots he scores!" notification comes on. ®+

I love who i think you are. ®+

Do you have a date tomorrow? Do you mind if i say i hope it ends badly for him? Rachel it is with extreme, self control, that i don't scream in rage at being denied your company. I'm going to split the universe in half if i have to. ®+

I can't accept any plea deal that comes with mental horror appointments attached. ®+

Not in the wild, personal politics, is where you do artistic, violence upon thine critics. ®+

"Say Nothing" the Hulu show looks really good. ®+

Bestie: "Love your enemy". - What a crock of religious garbage. Torture your enemy to their suicide. ®+

It's Friday the 13th. Do you know where your stalker is? (Harper's Ferry. Also not a stalker but who's counting). :0) ®+

Why i didn't like the reel: i don't like boys making fun of you even as a joke. They're cocksucking liars. I want to put my fist through that bald yank€e. You're original and don't want them and they don't like that. So they call you crazy to make themselves feel less lame. ®+

That's a cav@lier. He breaks character in your skit and thinks it's funny. He'll do that after sex. Won't want to stay inside and cuddle you. Unsure about forever starts the second after orgasm. "i got all i wanted time to go!" [pulls out] ®+

PPS: I love "i love fonts" and then "times new Roman" with a bad grin. And the way you devoured that burger. 'eat your enemies' after you kill = embarrass them! And fuck that cav@lier. Really. He's all yours. Along with hell-on-paper. No I'm not mad. Jealous. PPPS i don't understand the mom ending at all. That font unironically was really cool. ®+

I don't like your latest sketch. Although the location was fresh. Some new elements. Hot photo. Did you really pee in a diner? Lol. I love you. PS I liked it more the second time. The way you said "I'm an actor" was bomb. ®+

"The Oscar goes to: Kim Dickens". She's the strongest female character actress in Hollywood. ®T

Song from me for your "she's a really big show!" very fun trip: Elliot Smith "Angeles" ®T

Proof There is No God

Since there is no "moral authority = god", success is what you can get away with, and enjoy! Enjoy beating the gals. And using the other guys. ®T

I Want You to Get Placebo Horny. ®T

You said "tell The People" like the coolest President ever. ®T

In our hockey game on the big screen right now, i am the puck. Your friends and family the other team. Your characters are your teammates. The net is your pussy. Aim rock and fire! RT

Football. The game we could play right now and always and I'm not sure who would win. You could get away from me while i don't think i can be tackled by you. And if we want to make out that would be even better. RT

I'm crazy about you. Do you believe me? Who is your dream forever boyfriend? If it's not me he sucks. Rachel. We could be fucking and loving and loving and fucking right now! If only you'd be a prankster. RT

Planes Trains and Automobiles

I can't be with another girl now Lightning i used all the good nicknames on you. RT

I'm Sorry That's the Lamest Mascot I've Ever Heard Of

An All Girls Catholic School Woman

I just figured out a fullproof way to get cute straight girls to flirt with me. Dress like a superf@g. She thought i was gay the pickup girl. Complimented my jacket opening the conversation, which she would not have done if she knew i was a pussy hunting horn dog. But happily learned and blushed when i sprung the "trap" and flirted. I didn't do anything but enjoy her attraction. RT

Fashion Congresswoman: you're not using all your skills. You're a good photographer. You are a great on the ground organizer. And you are a prankster. RT

The Grossest Thing I Can Say but if You Love Me is Sweet

The swell of your breasts drive me crazy. RT

What you've said to yourself in anguish: "You (he) would deny me love because I'm upset!?" = What other boys get wrong. They aren't perfect, you hoped they would be, and he got angry. Anger is hate hate is not love. I will never do that to you. RT

The secret of the Shirley Temple

I'm a Man You Can Actually Fix

This is The Perfect Place for Us to Live

Figuring out what you're going to do before moving is the hardest thing for those of up with a megaton of energy. RT

Money opens the gatekeeper's gates. Spend it well on bodacious advertising. They'll have to notice you. Start a "feeding frenzy" when they all smell profit on you. "how much money can she make me" says everyone in Hollywood. You are smart. Not a liability with men out there. You are gorgeous. You "Marilyn in the Mirror Monroe" are a starlet fresh off the bus. Let yourself be taken non physical advantage of a tad. Then claw the fame out of them till they're dry of effort. Then do it to another asshole. RT

Stop Listening to My Advice About Your Career

If You Have Trouble with a Slapshot

What Makes Donald Chump Donald Trump?

Cheerleader You've Got a Grudge

Why did you take "I'm perfect" down? Just because you took it down doesn't mean it's not true. I'm sweepy, still. I wish you were here. Middle of the night sex is the best. So is middle of the night pillow talk. RT

Tenacious train traveler

Rachel I'm thinking a little downhearted

If someone assassinated me, would you regret taking your time? I would. RT

I don't know what you have planned but open mics where you don't sleep are prime places to be super bold. Pull your goalie and try twice. RT

Whatcha doin' in LA? Sounds very exciting. Make sure you carry that i own this fucking town attitude with you. Discovery "in line" is a possibility because you are smoking hot by LA standards. Every bit the California spyder. RT

The world used to think lonely. Now i know you exist, and you're in it with me. Except "with me" is artistic. I want it sports-wise. Let me out of your penalty box and into your perfect box. RT

That's two "Mafia Mademoiselle" videos that really were above comedy. They were political. Declarations of Independence! People admire those who are greater if they aren't jealous. Fuggedabout it. RT

On train to DC. You even said "I'm perfect" the first time with a new york accent. That little extra "fuck you" in your voice as you sliced off the end of the word. Why won't you love me? I made you see who you are. Dat's gotta be worth a non legal date. Phone call? Come on you owe me. :0) RT

That's the first video i know was not, for me. Because i said that a while back. Now that you won the Stanley cup what are you going to do next? ("I'm going to Disney Land!") RT

Yes you are! Perfect in every way except here. RT