To the Washington Square News! Your Whole Paper

---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: Wolf Alexander <congressmanalexander@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Feb 26, 2025 at 8:30 AM
Subject: Press Release: "Congressional Residency"
To: <editor@nyunews.com>, <egenova@nyunews.com>, <abairdhassell@nyunews.com>, <iderasmo@nyunews.com>, <kwelander@nyunews.com>, <tnejand@nyunews.com>, <mkotval@nyunews.com>, <nzaldivar@nyunews.com>, <lng@nyunews.com>, <jdiorio@nyunews.com>, <amehta@nyunews.com>, <ldonnelly@nyunews.com>, <emalabanan@nyunews.com>, <gstotz@nyunews.com>, <kkomanduri@nyunews.com>, <srt9826@stern.nyu.edu>, <lolukoga@nyunews.com>, <gtan@nyunews.com>, <jkim@nyunews.com>, <nroy@nyunews.com>, <tips@nyunews.com>, <opinion@nyunews.com>, <mgmt@nyunews.com>

Dear Fellow Journalists,

Hey Washington Square News! I am Alex. Wolf Alexander. And I am running for Congress, for our district. The Flyin' Tenth!

Have you seen me in The Park the last two weeks? I was either sitting around the fountain with my flag draped over a pillar, walking faster than anyone else around the outer paths, or hanging out off-road by a tree somewhere.

None of you have come up to talk to me about my campaign yet. That means I'm not doing my job as my own press secretary. Thus this email. I also followed all of you on IG to double the solicitation.

There is absolutely no reason why every one of you won't like me and want me to be your Congressman.

I will be in Washington Square Park every day six days a week at 4:20pm. Earlier and much later if it's a nice day. (Mondays I go up to The Daily Show studio). I will be running for Congress with The Park as my campaign headquarters for the next 20 months. 

I realize that to go from "who?" to "Congressman Alexander" in your head, I have to earn the upgrade. No problem.

SpitfireHunter.com is my campaign website. Yes it's "unprofessional". I like that. My opponent is a professional politician. Which is an actor on stilts. Dan Goldman if you didn't know. Jon Stewart already made him look like the mannequin he is.

Start there, as a reason to support me. While every other person running for office asks for money, I am not. Deliberately to set the example! Do I need to raise money or can you just tell your friends?

I love to write and could go on for pages about why I'm going to be the best thing to happen to American government since -- well a lot of you don't think there's a "since". I understand -- the best thing to happen to American government since "When In the Course of human events..."

I have my own newspaper. Radio and television stations. (Blog Podcast Videos). Everything you want to know about why I think, what I am going to do, and how I'll get it done, you can investigate, explore and discover. And ask me of course!

This is my platform, without elaboration. That you can find here:

1. THE DESTRUCTION OF THE TWO PARTY SYSTEM

2. DIRECT DEMOCRACY

3. PRO-CHOICE TILL THE DAY THEY DIE

4. A REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH IN AMERICA!

5. WOMEN GET THE SUPERMAJORITY

6. TERM LIMITS

7. THE PUBLIC GETS TO KNOW

8. THE GRAFT AND CORRUPTION STOPS. COMPLETELY

9. RETURN! THE!! ENVIRONMENT!!! TO THE YEAR 1757

10. FEDERAL PRIZE MONEY FOR IMPORTANT INVENTIONS AND PROJECTS AND ACHIEVEMENTS

11. A GREAT! NATIONAL AGENDA AND SPIRIT

Thanks for reading, and I hope to meet you soon!

Cheers,

--Wolf Alexander

P.S. In order to get back at Donald Trump the best way I know how, I am going to make fun of his son unmercifully until the whole city is laughing at them both. If you have an ethical problem with this, I will listen to your criticism.

How many Secret Service agents does it take to change a lightbulb in Barron's bedroom?

-Alex