To: The MEN of the P.S.L. of New York

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---------- Forwarded message ---------

Dear BOYS of the Party of Socialist Liberation,

The Tenth Congressional District of New York includes Union Square Park and Washington Square Park and Tompkins Square Park, and Prospect Park and the Statue of Liberty, and various other parks and squares and greens. 

I am going to be very clear on what I am about to say, so be clear on reading it.

MALES: the following statement is only addressed, and only applies to MEN. Nothing I have said or am about to say, in any way, emotion, premise, fact, or intention, is for the women of the P.S.L. None of this. 

MEN OF THE PSL:

STAY OUT OF MY DISTRICT IF YOU ARE GOING TO ASK FOR MONEY. Professionally. Keep your dumbass party and its scamming tactics out of my parks. Yesterday you asked for money at my campaign headquarters, Washington Square. Your female speaker is awesome and she can do whatever she wants, including trying to get people to give your waste-of-time party money. I don't tell women what to do. She's a spitfire. She should run for a high office. If you want to get around me, make all of your speakers women, and they can beg for cash all the livelong day.

BUT YOU BOYS. YOU ARE NOT DOING THAT AGAIN. IF I FIND YOU ASKING FOR MONEY IN ANY PART OF MY DISTRICT YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A VERY BAD ENCOUNTER. I WILL RECORD YOU LOOKING LIKE THE WEAK MORONS YOU ARE AND PLASTER IT ALL OVER THE WORLD. 

That's the best outcome you're going to get. If you try to interfere with me making you look stupid you will have a worse day than that. Do you like gabagool? Capisce?

THIS IS MY DISTRICT. I OWN IT. I AM THE CONGRESSMAN OF IT. AND YOU MEN/MALES/BOYS OF IT WILL BUCKLE UNDER MY ORDERS OR YOU WILL SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET OUT OF MY WAY.

I HOPE YOU ARE TAKING ME SERIOUSLY. BECAUSE THE NEXT TIME I HEAR A MASCULINE VOICE ASK FOR POLITICAL DONATIONS IN THE TENTH DISTRICT OF NEW YORK, THAT MALE VOICE AIN'T GOING TO BE HAPPY.

--Wolf Alexander


***** Public Service Announcement: If anything you read above was interpreted by you as a threat of violence, you misinterpreted it. Nothing written above was a threat of violence. Nothing above was a threat of anything. It was satire. Humor. Fictional journalism. Nothing written above is intended to be done. Have a nice day, boys of the P.S.L. Maybe I'll see you around. *****

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