Dear China C/O Ronny Chieng C/O Jon Stewart
---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: Wolf Alexander <congressmanalexander@gmail.com>
Date: Sat, Apr 5, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Subject: Dear China C?O Ronny Chieng C/O Jon Stewart
To: <chinaembpress_us@mfa.gov.cn>, <hotline@moj.gov.cn>, <lss8@mfa.gov.cn>, <BeijingACS@state.gov>, <pct_affairs@cnipa.gov.cn>, <international@ncac.gov.cn>, <political_uk@mfa.gov.cn>, <press_uk@mfa.gov.cn>, <defence_chn@yahoo.co.uk>, <GB@mofcom.gov.cn>, <chinaukscience@163.com>, <britain@lxgz.org.cn>, <ukoffice@chinaculture.org>, <webbox@pbc.gov.cn>, <bejingg@international.gc.ca>, <mod@mod.gov.cn>, <ceo@ceo.gov.hk>, <info@idcpc.org.cn>, <washington_hz@csm.mfa.gov.cn>, <washington_gzrz@csm.mfa.gov.cn>, <washington_visa@csm.mfa.gov.cn>, <hr@bytedance.com>, <press@bytedance.com>, <advertise@bytedance.com>, <peering@bytedance.com>, ethics@bytedance.com <ethics@bytedance.com>, <bd@bytedance.com>, <chongsong.chen@bytedance.com>, <jiangchengquan@bytedance.com>, <daihuichen@bytedance.com>, <huopengfei@bytedance.com>, <chengang.gary@bytedance.co>, <website-support@bytedance.com>, <chenjianping.ireader@bytedance.com>, <jingjunxian@bytedance.com>, <liutianyi.lty@bytedance.com>, <yuyongyi.yyy@bytedance.com>
Cc: <reservations@thedailyshow.com>, <internship@thedailyshow.com>, <jenflanz@thedailyshow.com>, <info@thedailyshow.com>, <help@thedailyshow.com>, <Mets@thedailyshow.com>, <tilzer@roar.la>, Michael Kosta <michael@michaelkosta.com>, <dbo@dixontalent.com>, <ramin.hedayati@gmail.com>, <jmelkmann@thedailyshow.com>, <tickets@thedailyshow.com>, <desi.lydic@gmail.com>, <contact@ronnychieng.com>, <ticketsupport@ronnychieng.com>, <jeffrey.jacobs@caa.com>, <justin.edbrooke@caa.com>, <justin.gorkowitz@caa.com>, <ka@kamesmgmt.com>, <fh@kamesmgmt.com>, Megan McWaters <mmcwaters@independentartistgroup.com>, <mburgos@independentartistgroup.com>, <help@lewisblack.com>, <gkuhlenschmidt@yahoo.com>, <gkuhlenschmidt@secondcity.com>, <gracekuhlen@gmail.com>, <brett@cgftalent.com>, <cory.wang@authenticm.com>, <alex.burditt@authenticm.com>, <brittanymehmedovic17@gmail.com>
From: Wolf Alexander <congressmanalexander@gmail.com>
Date: Sat, Apr 5, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Subject: Dear China C?O Ronny Chieng C/O Jon Stewart
To: <chinaembpress_us@mfa.gov.cn>, <hotline@moj.gov.cn>, <lss8@mfa.gov.cn>, <BeijingACS@state.gov>, <pct_affairs@cnipa.gov.cn>, <international@ncac.gov.cn>, <political_uk@mfa.gov.cn>, <press_uk@mfa.gov.cn>, <defence_chn@yahoo.co.uk>, <GB@mofcom.gov.cn>, <chinaukscience@163.com>, <britain@lxgz.org.cn>, <ukoffice@chinaculture.org>, <webbox@pbc.gov.cn>, <bejingg@international.gc.ca>, <mod@mod.gov.cn>, <ceo@ceo.gov.hk>, <info@idcpc.org.cn>, <washington_hz@csm.mfa.gov.cn>, <washington_gzrz@csm.mfa.gov.cn>, <washington_visa@csm.mfa.gov.cn>, <hr@bytedance.com>, <press@bytedance.com>, <advertise@bytedance.com>, <peering@bytedance.com>, ethics@bytedance.com <ethics@bytedance.com>, <bd@bytedance.com>, <chongsong.chen@bytedance.com>, <jiangchengquan@bytedance.com>, <daihuichen@bytedance.com>, <huopengfei@bytedance.com>, <chengang.gary@bytedance.co>, <website-support@bytedance.com>, <chenjianping.ireader@bytedance.com>, <jingjunxian@bytedance.com>, <liutianyi.lty@bytedance.com>, <yuyongyi.yyy@bytedance.com>
Cc: <reservations@thedailyshow.com>, <internship@thedailyshow.com>, <jenflanz@thedailyshow.com>, <info@thedailyshow.com>, <help@thedailyshow.com>, <Mets@thedailyshow.com>, <tilzer@roar.la>, Michael Kosta <michael@michaelkosta.com>, <dbo@dixontalent.com>, <ramin.hedayati@gmail.com>, <jmelkmann@thedailyshow.com>, <tickets@thedailyshow.com>, <desi.lydic@gmail.com>, <contact@ronnychieng.com>, <ticketsupport@ronnychieng.com>, <jeffrey.jacobs@caa.com>, <justin.edbrooke@caa.com>, <justin.gorkowitz@caa.com>, <ka@kamesmgmt.com>, <fh@kamesmgmt.com>, Megan McWaters <mmcwaters@independentartistgroup.com>, <mburgos@independentartistgroup.com>, <help@lewisblack.com>, <gkuhlenschmidt@yahoo.com>, <gkuhlenschmidt@secondcity.com>, <gracekuhlen@gmail.com>, <brett@cgftalent.com>, <cory.wang@authenticm.com>, <alex.burditt@authenticm.com>, <brittanymehmedovic17@gmail.com>
Dear the People's Republic of China,
The entire! government of your country, via your MSS:.Ministry of State Security. Which is as good as the CIA.
But not as good as the Office of Naval Intelligence. ;0)
To your President, Xi Jinping.
*****
Dear Xi,
I have good news. You just saved a bunch of money on your car insurance by switching to detente.
You are very smart. Chinese citizens are crafty and quick thinking. You think you can outwit Americans because most of us are dumb. But a few of us are very smart. Smarter than you. Like me for instance.
Freedom adds something extra. Yamamoto knew that.
1. Donald Trump controls TikTok in the United States. He is charging ByteDance indefinite extortion to remain operational. What he's getting are algorithm changes giving MAGA material more views.
How'em I doing?
2. Our President already told you that you can have Taiwan after the midterms.
How'em I doing?
3. I am telling you:
You cannot have Taiwan. China has enough land -- as do we. You have enough people to abuse already. But like your buddy in Moscow you don't care.
I care. Congressman Alexander cares and I am warning you: Taiwan already has a secret. They are getting atomic weapons. One American Ohio Class SSBN from me. That way you know what will happen if you invade.
4. Your spy agency is getting the fuck out of my country. I hope you speak English well enough to hear my tone. Get your goddamn spooks with their fake businesses out of here while they can still make it to the airport.
We will do the same.
Capisce? That's Italian for "this is not a negotiation."
I will make our intelligence agencies stop fucking with your country in exchange for yours not fucking with ours. That's the best deal you're gonna get.
5. Every Chinese citizen living happily in America knows why coming here was a good idea. We may have a mediocre education system and no national direction but we do know how to have a good time. Americans get to protest without getting arrested, usually. We get to insult our President at will. Like this:
Hey Donald Chump. You are not tough at all. You are a flabby circus promoter. You are a serial woman abuser who deserves whatever they say you do.
BREAKING NYU NEWS! Your son Barron has already followed in your footsteps. #HimToo.
*****
See how that works Xi? I would call you names too but your country is your business.
Taiwan is not your country. The United States Speaker of the House in 2029 recognizes Taiwan as a sovereign independent nation. Don't like it? Go fuck yourself with this Trident missile.
--Wolf Alexander
-Alex
---Congressman Alexander
----Speaker Alexander
P.S. Jon I am sorry I didn't make it up on Monday. I have a girlfriend. Suddenly you're less important.
I can't believe you called the NYPD to protect your doormen. That's funny.
P.P.S. Ronny maybe you can act as go-between since Big Mike ain't big enough to reply. Puff puff pass in DeWitt Clinton Park?
Isn't it ironic they call a Clinton, either one 'da wit? Hillary is doing her best to kill Bill Volume III. He looks like a serial abuser of girls should look. Alive but hating it.
