The Dope on Donald Trump

-
To the entire Ukrainian government. One of many emails he's read.


(Olena Zelenskyy)


"Dope" means information, Volodymry.

*****

You have caused Trump and Putin to argue. Good.

Now you are now longer their dinner.

Trump ("The Chump") doesn't feel lesser than anyone. He won't let himself. But he feels lesser than you and it pisses him off.

You are tough, physically. You are brave, courageously. You are a comedian, astutely. He is none of that. So he doesn't like you.

DON'T FALL FOR THE TRAP OF HIM PRETENDING TO BE MAD AT PUTIN. HE WANTS YOU TO WANT TO BE HIS FRIEND. HE WANTS YOU TO THINK THERE'S AN OPENING FOR A RIFT. HE'S MAKING IT UP.

Yes I know I said you caused them to argue. You did, cause them to argue. Except the argument is still theater. The Chump thinks if you can trust him he can make you negotiate smoothly.

*****

Basically he's lucky he's an American. Because in your place he would have gotten Ukraine conquered some time ago. 

But you're still, fighting, a war you don't want to fight. Ukraine is, on the map, between the US and USSR. I mean Russia. Can't you slip out of that sandwich? Israel wants a forever friend and it can't be us. Taiwan wants a forever friend and it can't be us. Mongolia wants a forever friend and it can't be us. Afghanistan wants a forever friend and it can't be us.

Take a crayon and color those countries in blue and yellow. What do they make? A ring around Russia. You won't do any of this because it's above even Zelenskyy the Greater. But you should! Them's your allies. Single countries with no friends* and great position. 

*no friends without us. I told you, I am taking America out of world affairs even more! than The Chump.

*****

Sailor! Be a sailor you landlubber. Your camo is too easy to spot on the water. Crimea is surrounded by water. So surround it! Send, your seamen, Blackward. 

"Ukraine. Owns. The Black." No I didn't say that in the last email. Because if I had you should have done it by now. Are you working on it? Pirates. Pirates Volody. Canoes. Submarines. Everything in between. Beg borrow and steal some from GERMANY. Deutsche Marine.


They have six submarines. Tell them you want two. They're not using them at all.

-Alex

P.S. Dude. Do this stuff.

Popular posts from this blog

Rich Calder Fuck You

-
Image
A Woman! for Mayor #AllWomensRights! ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Sat, May 31, 2025 at 1:39 PM Subject: Rich Calder Fuck You To: < rich.calder@nypost.com > Cc: < district6@council.nyc.gov >, < sgoldsmith@council.nyc.gov >, Seth Sturm < sethsturm@gmail.com > Dear Richard. Dick. Very appropriate.  Why you gotta be mean to a woman to do your job? I will be mean to you to do mine. If you ever do that again cocksucker. Tell your whole rag men paper. I read nasty stuff about ladies in politics from you or any of'em you're going to have another bad day. How's this one? DON'T DOUBT ME. THOSE WHO DOUBT FIND OUT. --Wolf Alexander, (i) NY10 SpitfireHunter.com
Hear more »

Girls I Have a Grudge

-
Image
( About Bob Gibson ) No boy has worked harder to get your attention and affection than I have. I have changed myself from a weak ass loser into the man among men. THEY ALL SUCK COMPARED TO ME. EVERY LAST COCKSUCKING ONE OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You wanna be with a lousy guy? Good. You can complain about him on social media later. I AM ALEXANDER THE GREATEST. I AM THE GREATEST BROTHER FUCKING BACHELOR IN THE COUNTRY.  I even stopped saying "mother fucker" as a feminist edit. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????!!!!!!!!! I refuse to flirt with you. I'm not doing it. YOU! do it. I deserve it. I goddamn deserve it. If you would swoon and fangirl over any male celebrity YOU SHOULD GODDAMN WELL DO IT OVER ME. I CAN KILL THAT CELEBRITY TWICE OVER AND HANG HIM OUT TO DRY. I figured it out. I piss you off because you decided a man like me didn't exist. You already said "fuck men they're all awful". Then you see me and I blow tha...
Hear more »

Brooklyn Bar Adventure

-
Image
At "Buttermilk" somewhere north of The Verrazano Bridge.. ***** It's hard for me to avoid pissing off men I have to talk to. The bartender here hates me. Because I have taken over his bar. It's humorous. ***** Yeah i can't help being ever so slightly disrespectful to all males. Enough we both know I am. But not enough for them to do anything about it. I love it. I love you, girls. ***** To be continued.. ***** Okay! So I'm alive and not really hungover. it's the next morning. I would call that a successful campaign event and an unsuccessful find true love event. I had several favorite parts of the evening. But my favorite favorite part was being the block and tackle for a very beautiful.blonde damsel, that got stuck between a homeless drunk and me. You m'lady got to watch me dispatch "the bum". I was gently terryifying to him and totally gallant for you! ***** The men who bother you in New York have never gotten any pushback it se...
Hear more »

DEAR WHITE WOMEN

-
Image
BLACK WOMEN ARE SO MUCH BRAVER THAN YOU ARE. Black girls got it going on in the courage department. You white ones are just sad. I have had multiple sisters be flirty with me while you paler ones pale at my sight.  Are you really that weak and scared of a shadow? If so I don't want you anyway. WHERE YOU BLACK WOMEN AT?! Harlem. That's where. See you soon.
Hear more »

Several Seconds of Truth

-
Image
There is no God. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Sat, Dec 14, 2024, 14:09 Subject: Several Seconds of Truth I bet cancer is caused by an excess of electricity grounded in a given body area. Electricity sent by the brain because of an obsession, conscious or sunconscious. Directed energy from our head to a spot. The opposite of pain. Pain is electrical signals sent back from, a spot.  Enough thought sent to, a spot, will cause a pain. A burning of that spot, microscopically. If you are nervous, you may get an upset stomach. If you then think of/worry about your upset stomach, unendingly, you will unendingly send electricity to the spot of the upset. Do it long enough, you'll burn your healthy cells into cancerous ones.  The electricity over-exposure fucks with your cells. I cannot guarantee this is the cause of all cancers. Chemicals in everything certainly don't help. Getting a Chernobyl am...
Hear more »

Hero Here

-
Image
I got rid of a urine smelling, unbelievably bothersome homeless man yesterday. I literally bribed him with a promise of money to follow me out of The Park -- then didn't pay him when I got him across the street. He tried to go back but I played good defense in basketball and wouldn't let him cross back over. I sidestepped him away from the entrance in the middle of the street and he gave up and left the area. It's a big Park and there are a lot of bad dudes in it every day but I am going to get rid of them as best I can.
Hear more »

The Illusion of Social Media Success

-
Image
It's tempting to be excited when a good campaigning day brings many more clicks. But what is real is someone stopping to talk to me. The billionaires could be manipulating the statistics I get. They could even manufacture attention. So that I think I am super famous but really, no one has ever heard of me. They can keep you glued to that screen, waiting for something which doesn't arrive. What I want to arrive is not virtual. She's real. Translation: I gotta get outside even if the weather isn't Sunny and 55 . I enjoyed the last few warmer days. Now it's chilly again so I don't want to go up to The Daily Show and picket Jon Stewart for not having me on. I skipped The Park yesterday too. For ankle rest but also because when it's colder than 40 it's hard to enjoy being outside not moving around. And there's a lot of stopped stuff I have to do so I can have my flag out. And sandals. How I love sandals... Stay for the summer if you're not a native. ...
Hear more »

Master Classes I Am Teaching at NYU

-
Image
VERY LITTLE LECTURE! ALL HANDS ON DECK TRIAL AND ERROR LAB SEMINARS. 1. "Painting Like Jackson Pollock": Artistic SuperExpressionism, and Magic Spells in Paint:  GENIUS 101/201 2. "Poker for Future Rounders": Tells and Bluffs, Swagger and Odds, and Gut Gambles:  POKER 101/201/301 3. "Hiking with Robin Hood": Playing in the Forest for Outdoor Adventurers, What a Hunter Does, How to Go Up a Mountain Faster, and Talking to The Animals:   REBEL 101/201/301/401 4. "Cooking on "Naked and Afraid" (minus the naked)": Wilderness Chef, Never Read a Recipe, and Last Can Standing: IRONCHEF 102/201/401 5. Serious Self Defense for Girls: Psychological Warfare Against "Stalkers", Classy Weapons and How to Use Them, Counter Intelligence, Booby Traps, Legal Revenge and Non-Violent Wounding, and Safe While Sexy and Dangerous While Nice: HUNTER 101/103/303/403/501/007 6. "Very Creative Writing": Talking Through Your...
Hear more »

A Very UnAmerican Hero

-
Image
After I win, personal grievances will be placed second to national interests. But not yet. And not tonight. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Thu, Dec 12, 2024, 19:01 Subject: A Very UnAmerican Hero To: < doug.fordco@pc.ola.org >, < premier@ontario.ca > Go Doug! Crack "The Chump" (you can use that) again. Please. Roll down streets of fire. Congressman Alexander from New York, here. He only understands one word. Force. Let him have it, ay. -Alex IF IT'S BROKE ROUND HERE I FIX IT. ;0) SpitfireHunter.com
Hear more »

To Edward R. Stewart

-
Image
---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Tue, Mar 4, 2025 at 7:22 AM Subject: To Edward R. Stewart To: < reservations@thedailyshow.com >, < internship@thedailyshow.com >, < jenflanz@thedailyshow.com >, < info@thedailyshow.com >, < help@thedailyshow.com >, < Mets@thedailyshow.com >, < tilzer@roar.la >, Michael Kosta < michael@michaelkosta.com >, < dbo@dixontalent.com >, < ramin.hedayati@gmail.com >, < jmelkmann@thedailyshow.com >, < tickets@thedailyshow.com >, < desi.lydic@gmail.com >, < contact@ronnychieng.com >, < ticketsupport@ronnychieng.com >, < jeffrey.jacobs@caa.com >, < justin.edbrooke@caa.com >, < justin.gorkowitz@caa.com >, < ka@kamesmgmt.com >, < fh@kamesmgmt.com >, Megan McWaters < mmcwaters@independentartistgroup.com >, < mburgos@independentartistgroup.com >,...
Hear more »