Alright Girls, I Have to Tell You This

Before I do, I understand that it's going to sound very misogynistic at first read. 

I am not a misogynist. I really love you, ladies. I love your half of the species infinitely more than mine.

*****

It is beneath me to hit on you.

See I told you it would sound misogynistic. But hear me out, okay?

1. I know, I will make one mademoiselle the happiest woman, on the face of the earth. I know I am the perfect boyfriend. I have been in enough relationships and around enough of you intimately, that I am beyond belief fact not fiction certain, that I will be the hero of one heroine.

2. Approaching any of you, despite long practice and many "successes" remains -- knowing full well I am the biggest, baddest, boldest boy out there -- a harrowing experience. To be blunt, I am scared of hitting on you. And I have good reason to be. 

In the past, when I would flirt, and fail, so what? I was a relative nobody and whoever "shot me down" would forget about me and I could try again with someone else five minutes later.

But now I am aiming for a celebrity, and running for office, and the very last kind of celebrity I want to be is a pervy politician. And it's so, easy to seem like that. 

The few times I have approached you in NYC I felt really sleazy. Because I am a candidate for Congress and I tell you and you're like "does he like me and is using this to flirt or is he trying to get my vote and pretending to like me or..." 

I didn't like the feeling I got doing it. It felt wrong. And it hasn't worked once. Not even close.

3. Therefore I don't want to do it. I want you to do it. I want you to approach me. 

The times in my life I had the most fun with a women was when they made the first move. Because once I know you like me I am as cool as men come.

4. You find my skittishness strange. I seem like the kind of guy who would love to get shot down by ten of you to take one home. But I'm not. I hate feeling unliked by women. Even as unliked as "no I don't want to go out with you, sorry."

Now I have a good excuse why I don't have to get shot down.

5. Getting "shot down" is a bad phrase anyway. Its a metaphor from WWII era fighter pilots dogfighting and one loses to the other. That's where all that "wingman" garbage comes from. Wingmen after the enemy.

You're not the enemy. And I don't want to "get you" in that sense. Men who go out looking for hookups are doing it like a sport, and you are the prey. 

Yeah I wanna have sex. But as our dual sport not mine against you.

I don't like that entire "getting shot down" and "hit on" (think about those words) state of mind. You are not something for me to catch. Shoot down. Capture. Beat into acquiescence. None of that. I want my soulmate.

6. In summary: I hate trying to start a relationship with you the way they usually start. Boy talks to girl. 

I don't think it's best for me to find the best of you. And I don't like being told by any of you that I'm not worthy, because, I am. Yet I can't argue because you already said no.

7. Where this started. I am too good to get shot down.

And I won't shoot you down, if you have the courage to fly with me.