I really, wanna go do something.
I wanna go out. I wanna go to a party!!!! A small house one. Or a lightly crowded bar that's not a sausage fest. Or a sorority party with beer pong.
From my 2nd floor window here on 38th and the Americana Inn, I see, dozens, of dates I want to go on.
The difference in how I flirt when I'm in an interpersonally friendly environment vs "the public" is amazing. When I know most of the people at the party I am a lighthearted lunatic. When it's randoms I am a super-introvert. So if I go to a bar tonight, an activity I despise, I will hate it.
But I am not going to meet someone sitting in this room. Not in the way I mean.
So I am fighting with myself what to do. I am all dressed to go out. I am bored to exhaustion. But the minute, I walk into, any bar, I will do the same thing which never works.
Get drinks. Sit by myself. Wait to get hit on. If I was a woman as hot as I am it would take three seconds to get laid.
But girls are still not approaching me en mass. One's enough but a swarm would be better. I want some of that action you see, spitfire. Being bombarded with opposite sex attention.
I also, hate approaching. I can never think of an honest way to start a conversation. "Do you want to make out?" is the only thing I can say. Would it work? With the right girl maybe but chances are it won't. Then I'll look like a jackass in a bar full of people I don't know. By myself. I hate having male friends. They're useless except as an excuse to stay in one spot after rejection.
I should not be, rejected. There's nothing to reject except my inability to be my assassin self at the same time I say hi.
I keep complaining about this. Writing about it will make me somewhat less annoyed until I see enough more, dates walk past and then I say "she is out there!"
She being you, mademoiselle reading.
I am getting food hungry but that's just an excuse to go outside. So I'll go get food and wait to get hit on and won't be. And be back here alone, again!!!! This is ridiculous. I don't want to sell myself actively. I feel like I show enough just walking down the middle of the street.
I missed the section of growing up when my friends were good with girls. Long stories. It's hard to do something well you don't know by heart. I was never a player. First because i wasn't good enough and later because I didn't want to be. So I still, don't enjoy the essential thing: saying hi for sex.
Once I get you into me I am like your favorite singer.