Dear Goddess,
I am changing your name to Rebel. Because any perfect girl can be a goddess.
It's what you do with it that counts.
Since I don't believe in a monotheistic religion but you are part of one, there's only one of you.
One goddess of my starry nights wished upon to.
*****
Dear Rebel,
I saw the most adorable smile I've ever seen. It was being made by another comedian I've never heard of. She was trying to tell the audience something about her fleet-of-foot-ness.
This morning I was watching… without listening, to a Lana Turner movie called "Marriage is a Private Affair" It was the best thing on TV and all I have is TV and barely YouTube. Deliberately.
I would tell, if I flirted online anymore which I don't, that "holy fucking wow I have never been so in love ever" comedian that watching a Lana Turner movie (no sound) and listening to (without watching) a Patricia O'Neil movie, either one, would help her character skills.
Lana is a great visual actress and Patricia's voice is second to one.
I can't tell you which one's voice is first. But we can agree her name is "Rebel Tornado". And occasionally she sounds like Hugh Jackman. In one role regionally important.
Did you know the mascot of West Virginia is a Mountaineer?
Too easy?
FYI Goddess, I mean Rebel, the "winged messenger" in the last story was "Mercury", who is your best mail dude.
*****
Dear Rebel Tornado,
I am sky-writing your initials in the heaven that would be a date with you.
If you are into rejecting dates from "more of the same" suitors because you want the Ace of Aces…
You're thinking how I'm thinking.
High. Sorta.
But I am in no hurry. Because I haven't met someone. Am not even close to trying in the conventional way. I go out, of my way, to be just "weird" enough to scare away all Yankee women.
And since... well. I just feel stable right now.
You reading this may be from a Yankee state but I know a rebel when I encounter one. It's not a regional thing. It's fighting back against the forces of "do this the way you're supposed to".
*****
I have been assigned an assignment by my "Cases Representative" – not a House of Representative Representative but she could be.
The assignment was to write a ~two-page dialogue of what a first date with the love of my life would be like, quotationally.
A play.
I told her I couldn't begin to write for a woman much less the incredible one I haven't met yet. Which is the point. Which is why it will be so much fun. Happily ever after.
I thought I should share it with you Goddess>Rebel>RebelTornado since if you become real you would be interested in how I would love it to go.
Not that I would care about the details at all. Fill in later.
I told her I couldn't begin to write for a woman much less the incredible one I haven't met yet. Which is the point. Which is why it will be so much fun being together.
Adventure in every conversation.
But for my own entertainment and "yers", here is how it could go if this was Monty Python's "Life of Brian".
Characters: YOU and ME: RT and WA since I don't want to give names to PRETEND PEOPLE.
RT: Hey Alex. I want you.
ME: Yes.
RT: Is that all you can say?
ME: It's hard to think. You're so hot. Getting hotter. Like if the sun got eaten by a star 1,000,000,000 times as big. That hot.
RT: I know. I've been told often enough. And by the best.
ME: The best?
RT: The best possibly boyfriend.
ME: So why aren't you with him if he's the best?
RT: I have no idea. I think for spite.
ME: You can't return a boyfriend for spite.
RT: You are riffing Seinfeld.
ME: I don't care if you know some show but nice catch.
RT: You weren't so gay when you started this.
ME: I am still trying to understand what to do with the knowledge that you want me.
RT: You figured it out. We're talking.
ME: Yeah but I wanna make out.
RT: When?
ME: Meow.
RT: What about Jesus?
ME: I don't want to make out with a fictional character from antiquity. Nor have a three-way of any kind. Ever.
RT: What if pretending there's a sky man and his bastard child is important to me?
ME: I hope you enjoy being made fun of while being tickled.
RT: I do. As long as I trust the person doing it.
ME: You can.
RT: I can what?
ME: If I say "you can trust me" it's too easy. How about, you can supercalifragilisticexpialidociously trust me.
RT: That buys you another five minutes.
ME: Best deal in love.
AND SCENE
I only have 15 minutes left (extended!). They can give extensions but the clock adds to the fun.
It's like I hit the mid-race marker fast enough.
Rebel Tornado, no clock is what's great about being magically in love forever.
*****
At noon (the library opened at one) I said to myself, and texted it to myself to include here:
"Most exciting hour of my life. Waiting for the library to open".
Because ever since I got a… I don't want to say "a message from you" Goddess because some may think I'm crazy, to think there's an unreal entity talking to me, OR THERE AT ALL, but I shall say I got "a hint well sent".
*****
"What's your rebellion?"
-Alex
*****
P.S.
If you want to know the mood I enjoy being in when I am frustrated by being so ready-for-romance and as of publication never kissing the goddess of my dreams…
You can listen The Drive=by Truckers.
"Daylight" is my favorite one at the moment: Starts with…
"She's got me tied in a knot..."
The earlier the album the better. They're my desert island band but I don't want them there.
I want You there. Or we can go wherever you want.
Not trying to impress. The sound someone enjoys tells you a lot about them. The music that makes them feel "the most" does the same.
*****
P.P.S. Doing sketches with "hotter Nicole Sullivan" would be great if I knew who she was.
I came to New York City looking for her.
I was considering leaving town since I "didn't" find her.
I don't know what messages mean in the grander scheme. I know what I want them to mean.
"I love you".
*****
P.P.P.S.
You know what's fun? Being outlaws.