It's 4am.
Woke up after a lot, of sleep. Grabbed my phone. "What did the Comedy Fairy leave for me?"
Nothing.
I couldn't find even the slightest message to me in any of those.
You found inspiration! in what I have been posting. Great. I'm thrilled I can inspire you to make this year like The Space Race. You're going to do it!
Awesome.
But no "I love you too".
I'm upset.
I so wish I could find a girl I like more than you. So I don't have to suffer your shaft anymore.
Pisses me off that I am obsessed with someone who doesn't give a fuck about me.
I got a missed call from a New York area code yesterday and I thought "maybe!!!" and nope. Wrong number.
You read my work for you, use it, and then discard me who wrote it like a street vendor's napkin.
You're going to be lonely on the moon.
Maybe that's what you want. Neil Armstrong without Buzz coming down behind him.
Maybe you're sick of worrying about finding true love and have decided to go it alone to spite the fear.
I dig that. It's a good strategy for moving on from the past.
I wish I could do it. Working to fix it now.
I wish I could say "whatever" and mean it and focus on some other kind of goal entire.
I seriously wish I could finish proofreading this message, snap closed the phone like I'm hanging up on you, and never think of your fantastic ass again.
Unfortunately I have been such a lover boy that I haven't liked having a void in my desire. I had to aim my spacerocket at a specific female even if she's the wrong one.
Fixed.
*****
You drove me fucking crazy. Not always the good kind.
I gave you tremendous attention. All goddamn day without breaks I thought about you.
What did it get me?
Not us together.
If you are reading these words now hear this:
You're mean. You're a man killer great but one man doesn't deserve it. You're killing, the best guy, that's ever going to like you.
I wish I had the next girl to move on to right now. One I actually adore more than you not a placeholder to try to make you jealous.
I don't. But I'm going to find her.
To the moon with you, Rachel Tokunt. Enjoy your view of the earth. I will be down here happy and in love with my soulmate shortly.
I withdraw my pledge. This year is mine again. May the better girl win!
Tokunt. That's fucking creative. I'm so smarter.