Head cold.
It's 2:44am and I can't sleep anymore.
I think a little bad that I didn't acknowledge your happy Valentine's Day messages.
But I'm not 100% sure they were messages for me.
I hope you're not wondering why I didn't reply. Are you curious if I had a date like I am if you did?
(No date. Didn't leave the room)
I'll publish this and yesterday's writing Monday morning once I don't see that you posted "no".
Please end my doubt.
Please post "yes" (you want me to write to you)
*****
I do not like any character Steve Carrell ever plays. He's always some version of The Office boss who's just an annoying pathetic dude.
A basic boy. Clueless yank€e
*****
Being sick is almost like being drunk.
I don't need to smoke to change my head space.
I wish you were here to doctor me.
I'm the sweetest guy when my partner is ill.
Really the sweetest guy, period. My online persona and record scared you but that was for others. So they'd leave me alone while I looked for you.
*****
When I first "broke bad" in 2009 I refused all attempts to steer me clear of trouble.
I kept getting yelled at by lessers and was tired of following their orders, as I had somewhat growing up.
I'd lived in Europe and had an Ivy League education. Yokels weren't going to push me around anymore.
Once down the rebel road I would not make amends. I kept fighting, figuring eventually I'd come out the other end.
Was a long road. Technically I'm still on it till this last charge is dealt with.
I'm sorry. Rachel you were too awesome for me to take a block for an answer. Guys who meet you in person get ten seconds to pitch themselves. I was never able to do that.
But now I'm ready to accept that answer. Because I've pitched myself. You know who you're rejecting. The real me. Not The Man's version.
The system is designed, to sideline troublemakers. Most people try to rehab their image so society gives them another (more limited) chance. I said fuck that. I wasn't wrong to begin with.
So now I'm off the grid. The real world grid. All it's costing me is your trust.
It's not a liability. All your friends and family will know they misjudged me when they see us together. I'm the most loving, gentlest, kindest boy.
The girlfriends of my first girlfriend told her en mass "Alex really loves you" after they saw us together.
It's not a professional liability for us either. Our extreme love will silence all critics. Everyone will want what we'll have and have to know how we did it.
*****
You have super perfect teeth. I don't. My bottoms went out of shape after I got my braces off. And they're not white white. Working on that by brushing with straight baking soda but I'm scared to polish off the enamel.
I didn't get braces till junior year of high school. The one time I needed my mom to bother me into doing something she didn't. Cost me my smile grades 5-12. Thus I wasn't the stud I could have been.
But the girls weren't worth the bother. All the ones I kind of liked have turned into the usual middle aged women. I didn't miss anything except lots of sex with partners I didn't really like.
Even though I talk about it all the time, it's not only sex I want you for. It's for every, thing.
It's for right now. When I want to talk to my best friend.
I got rid of all those of that category so it would be open for You.
Being in a relationship with anyone but my soulmate won't do.
*****
I really like the balloon release. Very filmcool. Should put it at the begining as a teaser.
*****
I'm laying here in a stupor watching Cast Away with the sound off.
The commercials are almost all for medicines.
I'm beginning to believe it's a deliberate effort to kill the masses. Because there are medicines for things you can fix the old fashioned ways a lot better and they have to know that.
The real world is really fucked up Rachel. Because I'm not a part of it i can see it for itself.
The economy is built on the slaves' consumption. If people didn't buy "smart water" and drank what we were built to drink, a whole company would go belly up.
Crazy. Adults are crazy. Have been ever since I could notice. Then we got to adulthood and they called us! crazy for not wanting to join the zombies.
I mean who would spend 40 years doing something they hate?
Crazy people. Scared cowed people.
People not worth listening to.
*****
Tom Hanks needs his ass kicked.
He's always the nice guy everyone likes in every movie and he needs to be beaten to death on film. So I can say I saw it.
*****
There's not one other life I'd trade mine for. I just want to add you to it. And me into yours.
I won't want to take you away from anything I can be there for. Is that too controlling?
I won't want to be apart from you. There's nothing I'll miss being alone. And I've been waiting a really long time for the fairy tale.
*****
Protecting the babies, is how humans won.
We have a super long nurturing time.
But now we are protecting the babies beyond safe and into gay.
What's the one group who never gets it?
Parents.
Why?
They're interfering in their children's development and trying to justify it. They can't. So they get authoritative and defensive.
We don't want to be like that.
That's death
*****
You can do this character:
In my not humble opinion, it's the best comedic acting.
He has a look on his face that is one watt from cracking up.
And sounds absolutely serious.
As the most ridiculous stuff is going on around him.
As he's contributing to it. without ever, giving in, to the absurdity.
You can do that. With your heavily verbal skits. You already do. But you gotta sell it stronger. You are "completely oblivious to your lunacy and everyone else is wrong".
Everyone else is, wrong.
Was wrong about you.
They wouldn't let you figure it out. And you rebelled. Made it worse deliberately. Just to spite them.
Me too.
We are soul mates.
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LightningLover.com