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Somebody needs to invent the instant-you're-pregnancy test. The second my never say quit sperm drives itself into your egg a "he shoots he scores!" notification comes on. ®+

on February 13, 2026

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The Best Platform for Political Office Ever

0. ALL WOMENS' RIGHTS! Every law, that you agree by majority, is good for you, I will get for you. I assume you want abortion back. Check. Maternal everything. Check. Free products everywhere. Check. The benefit of the doubt in self defense against a man. Check. Subways twenty degrees cooler in the summer. Check. Seriously. Anything you tell me when I'm Speaker in 2029 that you want, I will get for you. No debate from me. If you want to have rapists and #MeToo'ers dropped from airplanes into the Southern Ocean, no problem. 1. THE DESTRUCTION OF THE TWO PARTY SYSTEM and replacing it with no system at all. Just people. Independent, non partisan people, running for office under their name, and behind their ideas. 2. DIRECT DEMOCRACY : "I am therefore I vote". About EVERYTHING. Congress and the President will listen to you. Everyone votes about everything you want to vote about and that will be added up. Eventually those votes will have the power of law. For the near...

Lightning Fast Autobiography

Wolf Alexander is fifteen years old. That will make sense shortly. He was born in September, 2009, on the day he told the system "fuck you". ( related video ) ***** ( very related video ) From the moment I began to rebel I never let them tell me I was wrong. It wasn't all that spectacular. I refused to get out of my friend's friend's truck. Out of the bed of the truck. I decided no one on earth was going to get me out of it no matter what. I caved later when arrest was imminent. In the time between I shot down every attempt at coaxing and every assault to drag me out. Both boys tried and I fought them off. Imagine a pickup truck out front and I am arguing with a dozen different people. I wasn't going to get out until I was good and ready. If I had been the truck owner I would have called my bluff and drove off with the other me in the back but he wasn't that bright. Since then I was in a civil war with my socio-regional neighborhood back home. Ba...

To Edward R. Stewart

---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Tue, Mar 4, 2025 at 7:22 AM Subject: To Edward R. Stewart To: < reservations@thedailyshow.com >, < internship@thedailyshow.com >, < jenflanz@thedailyshow.com >, < info@thedailyshow.com >, < help@thedailyshow.com >, < Mets@thedailyshow.com >, < tilzer@roar.la >, Michael Kosta < michael@michaelkosta.com >, < dbo@dixontalent.com >, < ramin.hedayati@gmail.com >, < jmelkmann@thedailyshow.com >, < tickets@thedailyshow.com >, < desi.lydic@gmail.com >, < contact@ronnychieng.com >, < ticketsupport@ronnychieng.com >, < jeffrey.jacobs@caa.com >, < justin.edbrooke@caa.com >, < justin.gorkowitz@caa.com >, < ka@kamesmgmt.com >, < fh@kamesmgmt.com >, Megan McWaters < mmcwaters@independentartistgroup.com >, < mburgos@independentartistgroup.com >,...

The Dating World in a Tweet

Besting those who are like you physically, to find the best of those who isn't like you physically. *The straight, cis, dating world P.S. I wish one of you would be brave enough to message me. 3/2/25

"Mademoiselle Progressive" : Hand Forward to AOC

My legend grows. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < thespitfirehunter@gmail.com > Date: Sun, Mar 9, 2025 at 10:08 AM Subject: "Mademoiselle Progressive" : Hand Forward to AOC To: < us@justicedemocrats.com >, < press@justicedemocrats.com >, < gerardo.bonilla@mail.house.gov >, < maribel.hernandezrivera@mail.house.gov >, < ariel.eckblad@mail.house.gov > Cc: < abelson@nytimes.com >, < azam.ahmed@nytimes.com >, < alderman@nytimes.com >, < sam.anderson@nytimes.com >, < bappelbaum@nytimes.com >, < tarango@nytimes.com >, < randya@nytimes.com >, < asimov@nytimes.com >, < austen@nytimes.com >, < peter.baker@nytimes.com >, < kim.barker@nytimes.com >, < brooks@nytimes.com >, < barron@nytimes.com >, < ebarry@nytimes.com >, < Pam.Belluck@nytimes.com >, < belson@nytimes.com >, < tara@nytimes.com >, < o...

Hero Here

I got rid of a urine smelling, unbelievably bothersome homeless man yesterday. I literally bribed him with a promise of money to follow me out of The Park -- then didn't pay him when I got him across the street. He tried to go back but I played good defense in basketball and wouldn't let him cross back over. I sidestepped him away from the entrance in the middle of the street and he gave up and left the area. It's a big Park and there are a lot of bad dudes in it every day but I am going to get rid of them as best I can.

Every Day a Snow Day

"Hyperactive" = Energetic Why is being energetic bad? ***** I never got called ADD but I "got it" now. Means I enjoy fun. ***** My life is a forever snow day. I'm eating pizza at 9:43 and watching Spaceballs. This is my "job".

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