On This Day Two Years Before...

...I win."

P.S. Girls really like me.

---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: Wolf Alexander <congressmanalexander@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Nov 6, 2024, 4:04 PM
Subject: On This Day Two Years Before
To: Seth Sturm <sethsturm@gmail.com>, Hippie MAN <wedahippies@gmail.com>

You reading these words may not agree that I am going to win. That's your mistake. But forgivable. 

It's a goddamn gorgeous day except it's November. And while it's nice, today, when it happens every day in October and now all of them in November, I say "IT'S GLOBAL WARMING!!!!!!"

Not "climate change" that's a Democratic Party softening of a perfectly good phrase. 

"Global Warming!" George Carlin would agree. Don't soften language to get "rubes" to swallow your message. Tell them point blank: 

"Hey you fucking Republican retards. It's hot."

Am I making this up like your denials?

Do something about it before REDACTED REDACTED YOUR FUCKING REDACTED!

I hope Greta Thunberg rides into your bedrooms at night like William Wallace.

Donald Chump is President now. 

Again. 

This is a bad Mel Brooks film. 

STANDBY for A MESSAGE for the INCOMING PRESIDENT

Dear Donald,

Way to go! You proved once more that not giving a fuck and getting away with it is the way to win. Your opponents still haven't figured that out and it's the morning after your fucked them in the ass. 

Again.

I hate you. You are a disgrace to the office you are going to hold. 

Again.

Why must I have to talk to you? I thought we were done. I thought Kamala was going to win. But American girls are choosey. Especially when it comes to being bossed around by another girl. Twice now they've said "nope, not her."

So why are you going to be an asshole, this time? Who is going to piss you off day one, now? 

How about me? Your. Speaker. Of The House. During your last year. 

Wolf Alexander! the Great. You remember me. Keith Schiller called me.

Donald. You get ANOTHER CHANCE! Can you not remember George Washington at least? I know you only cared about raping girls in school but remember George? HE GAVE. UP. POWER. For the good of the democracy. GAVE IT UP. Said "nah, I DON'T WANT to be king." Not in those exact words but yeah.

DO THAT. As in "don't be a king." It's good to be, but it's not. It's lonely. You already know. 

How about being a nice boy for a change? TO GIRLS YOU REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED. You are the worst "walk of shame" bastard I have ever heard of and that's counting all the other celebrity horror shows. 

This Scenario Happened, no? You were at a Diddy Party. You insulted a bunch of girls until one of them remembered how much money you have and let you talk to her.

Then you got her drunk and worse? And then you were not a boy she remembers fondly. 

Am I getting warmer?

Your first day of flirting with girls was like Louis CK's whole life of assholery. You are a really, bad, and not in the cool way, bad person. Really aweful. And shameless. You and Putin deserve each other.

You also deserve me. Like green tomatoes deserve fried. 

-Alex