Congressman Alexander's Broadsheet

Special thanks to the bequest of George Washington. He was murdered by the French in 1757. Also shoutout to the anti-Trump broadcasters in front of Penn Station. A suitcase speaker system. Very hiking Blues Brothers. A good message too, unlike the Jesus bus I harangued several weeks ago for ruining my nap. Tell your friends and allies: Congressman Alexander don't play. Although I do play quite a lot. Just not with MAGA men.

---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Mon, Mar 24, 2025 at 11:55 AM Subject: Dear Jon (Stewart) IV: Jon vs USSR To: < reservations@thedailyshow.com >, < internship@thedailyshow.com >, < jenflanz@thedailyshow.com >, < info@thedailyshow.com >, < help@thedailyshow.com >, < Mets@thedailyshow.com >, < tilzer@roar.la >, Michael Kosta < michael@michaelkosta.com >, < dbo@dixontalent.com >, < ramin.hedayati@gmail.com >, < jmelkmann@thedailyshow.com >, < tickets@thedailyshow.com >, < desi.lydic@gmail.com >, < contact@ronnychieng.com >, < ticketsupport@ronnychieng.com >, < jeffrey.jacobs@caa.com >, < justin.edbrooke@caa.com >, < justin.gorkowitz@caa.com >, < ka@kamesmgmt.com >, < fh@kamesmgmt.com >, Megan McWaters < mmcwaters@independentartistgroup.com >, < mburgos@independentartis...

That music 1. Don't let yourself get hurt. Physically. Ever. Fun is good and safety is lame but getting hurt is deadly. Almost.  2. Never put yourself in a situation when your attention can't prevent getting hurt. Example: no matter how good you are at life, if the airplane crashes, you are dead. If you're walking on terra firma you can almost definitely run away from a crashing airplane. 3. Just because it's better doesn't mean it's good for living forever. A jet gets you to San Francisco faster than a train but it's so hard to die on a non-express passenger train. You'd have to do-it-yourself. 4. Assume you will, live forever unless you fuck up. That makes not fucking-up-and-getting-hurt the higher priority it ought to be. 5. Fun is forever. Fun, is, forever. You can live forever if you have fun every day starting now. Say 100 years is the default human life-span. Every miserable day is two days off your life. Every fun day is no da...

There is a girl sleeping next to me who doesn't find me sexually attractive. She told me point blank last night, after trying for the fifth day to hook up with her. A more unpleasant statement to accept I have never heard. Because it wasn't a simple "no" from a girl I met in passing. It wasn't a "no" after a superficial date. This was a no after five days of continuous, tremendous effort. Not merely to get into her pants but to make her love me forever. "I don't feel sexual desire for you." That's not exactly how she said it but close enough. And I had to hear that as she's lying in my arms, massaging me and I her.  Furious. Absolutely livid. I wanted to roar. Some combination of "how dare you!" and "you're a dumbass!" and "I don't want you either!!!" She's still next to me. It's 5am. Being told "you don't turn me on" while being turned on is like having a brick...

Telegraph Article Above Donald Trump is the President. The election was fair. He's allowed to talk to anyone he wants. If he wants to let Elon Musk pitch a tent in the Oval Office that's his prerogative. Liberals are under the delusion that their definitions set the rules. They don't like Elon Musk. Therefore how dare Donald Trump ask his advice, etc. First of all that's why he does it. The Chump loves doing what he's not supposed to. Thus E. Jean Carroll, etc. So the more outrage he hears about Elon being his buddy the more he enjoys it.  Secondly, as the President, he can do whatever to the Executive Branch. As a human he can have whatever friends he wants. As an American he can have bad viewpoints. And as an asshole he can be an asshole. Until I am Speaker. So of course Elon is getting classified briefings. And I have no problem with it. The President is the commander in chief. Who he makes his aide-de-camp is his choice. I'll nail him on somethin...

The police who have the power to arrest cannot carry guns. They should carry sabres. Fireman can carry guns and should but do not have the power to arrest or detain. They can use their guns if called by the police for backup, or in a public safety emergency they witness. But they cannot interfere with non violent crime. Firefighters are more trustworthy than police officers to act Constitutionally. Therefore they should hold the firearms. *Female police officers may carry guns. Police officers will no longer have the power to file a charge. They may arrest until brought before the EMTs. Yes I said Emergency Medical Technicians. They have the power to file a charge and bring before a judge and further detain if necessary. EMTs care about saving lives. Therefore their judgment of pre-trial "guilt" will be the most fair, while also being the most concerned for the victims of violence. This puts a check and balance on the initial stage of the justice system. **firemen...

---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Tue, Mar 18, 2025 at 8:33 AM Subject: Dear Jon (Stewart) III: The Search for More Money To: < joseph.goldstein@nytimes.com >, < matthew.goldstein@nytimes.com >, < david.goodman@nytimes.com >, < peter.goodman@nytimes.com >, < abby@nytimes.com >, < jesse.green@nytimes.com >, < greenpe@nytimes.com >, < hakim@nytimes.com >, < mikehale@nytimes.com >, < dagonz@nytimes.com >, < amy@nytimes.com >, < elizabeth.harris@nytimes.com >, < anemona@nytimes.com >, < hauser@nytimes.com >, < jack.healy@nytimes.com >, < Heisler@nytimes.com >, < andrew.higgins@nytimes.com >, < hoffman@nytimes.com >, < hubbard@nytimes.com >, < cahulse@nytimes.com >, < mike.isaac@nytimes.com >, < danielle.ivory@nytimes.com >, < jacobsa@nytimes.com >, < kant...

I met a girl. She slept with me for two nights. We didn't hook up, save a few tongueless kisses. I gave her my undivided attention. I was the most perfect gentleman. We talked for hours. I helped her through some of her thinking enigmas. I encouraged her. Told her she was hot and beautiful and awesome and smart which she is. She knows my room code. She knows I want her. She hasn't returned. For two nights. I'm sad. I won't let myself get heartbroken. But I tried to so hard to be hers, and she doesn't want me. And I can't figure out why not. Because I showed myself to be an amazing partner. Imagine the best emotionally supportive person you know. Now make them sexy and "dangerous" and strong and confident and ambitious. Now make them kind and gentle and protective and responsible. That's me. And I proved all of those qualities to her. And still, she didn't want me. I'm flummoxed.

I would suggest getting some stock but I'm biased. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: LPPFusion Team < lppmailchimp@lppfusion.com > Date: Fri, Mar 7, 2025, 04:10 Subject: Report March 5, 2025 Wefunder campaign is on! View this email in your browser ...

And all of MAGA: "We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice,  INSURE DOMESTIC TRANQUILITY!!!  provide for the common defence,  PROMOTE THE GENERAL WELFARE!!!  and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America". ***** Donald Fuck Trump Chump and Co. is: CREATING DOMESTIC UNREST  and  UNDOING THE GENERAL WELFARE.

Damsel who told someone to get off the campus. At the ~north west corner of The Park early this afternoon.  I followed two men down the street. I wasn't sure if you meant them but I figured so. They turned the corner and I let them go. Good kills, spitfire. Wanna go out? You made two boys go away. That's impressive.

"Hyperactive" = Energetic Why is being energetic bad? ***** I never got called ADD but I "got it" now. Means I enjoy fun.  ***** My life is a forever snow day. I'm eating pizza at 9:43 and watching Spaceballs. This is my "job".

My legend grows. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < thespitfirehunter@gmail.com > Date: Sun, Mar 9, 2025 at 10:08 AM Subject: "Mademoiselle Progressive" : Hand Forward to AOC To: < us@justicedemocrats.com >, < press@justicedemocrats.com >, < gerardo.bonilla@mail.house.gov >, < maribel.hernandezrivera@mail.house.gov >, < ariel.eckblad@mail.house.gov > Cc: < abelson@nytimes.com >, < azam.ahmed@nytimes.com >, < alderman@nytimes.com >, < sam.anderson@nytimes.com >, < bappelbaum@nytimes.com >, < tarango@nytimes.com >, < randya@nytimes.com >, < asimov@nytimes.com >, < austen@nytimes.com >, < peter.baker@nytimes.com >, < kim.barker@nytimes.com >, < brooks@nytimes.com >, < barron@nytimes.com >, < ebarry@nytimes.com >, < Pam.Belluck@nytimes.com >, < belson@nytimes.com >, < tara@nytimes.com >, < o...