Congressman Alexander's Broadsheet

---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Tue, Jan 28, 2025 at 8:59 AM Subject: "Congressman" Wolf Alexander Says Cheers! To: < cashpetersson@gmail.com >, < indivisibleles@gmail.com >, < wbmccracken@gmail.com >, < marykmccann724@gmail.com >, < FromNYtoLAforKamala@gmail.com >, < cindytolan@gmail.com >, < Brooklynindivisible@gmail.com >, < claude@ame-agari.net >, < supportteam@indivisible.org > Dear Everyone I Hung Out with Last Night at Linen Hall, Empire State Indivisble, Hey! Thanks for being so accepting and friendly. Sorry I was late. I will be at the next meeting unless you don't want me. May I say some things to you? If not, you have to stop reading. ***** This is going to be strongly worded. I want to show you how I will talk to MAGA. Please don't get scared or offended... ***** I AM THE REAL GODDAMN DEAL.  You all ...

Hi! I am Wolf Alexander. I am running for Congress for this district! The Flyin' Tenth! I am a Progressive independent. I am PRO CHOICE, I am AN ENVIRONMENTALIST. I BELIEVE IN DIRECT DEMOCRACY and I WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE MORE FUN. What makes me different? Well first I don't want your money. I AM NOT SEEKING CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTIONS FROM YOU.  I am not raising any! money, deliberately. I am the first candidate to make a point of this. I am not raising any money so you know I am not bought by anyone, even you! And certainly not by the billionaires. They're the ones that are going to get triggered any second now. We need honesty in government and if you only vote for candidates who aren't taking cash then that's who will win. I am setting the example! I said I am pro choice and I mean, pro-choice. This issue is going end, in your favor, ladies. I am going to make the pro-life people run away forever. I promise. Christian conservatives are going extinct from government.  T...

Dear Women, I am sorry. I can't (yet) control every man and get them to be as they should be and as you wish. Loyal. Sensitive. Gentle yet strong. Aggressive for you, yet calm around you.  Loyal. Exciting. All about your relationship. All about you. Your devoted knight. Forever. I spent the most unique hour of my life yesterday listening to a succession of funny females tear, into males. For all the dumb ass stuff they do. "They" because I don't, do that stuff. I did. I don't now.  There were two girls at that event who were engaged. A third was married. WHERE WERE THEIR BOYS!? Unbelievable to me. They were hot and all funny and where the hell were the men that say they love them? If any of them were my forever-girlfriend I would cheer them on at every opportunity! Instead they and the whole crew went off, hilariously, on all the stuff men do that's awful. Being mean. Insensitive. Obtuse. Uncaring. Hurtful. Very hurtful. In my experience, you are loyal and lov...

Hey whoever reads this please forward it to the boss(es): I love the P.I.T! I won't be there every night but it's definitely my favorite spot for open mics. The improv atmosphere is much more friendly than the standard stand-up mic. I attended the "Ladies Stand Up" yesterday which was amazing! How refreshing. No boys but me. Obi is a great host. Very welcoming and edgy-funny too. Can you give her a bigger space for that mic? The room was jammed. That event is the only one like it in the whole city. There is no other "women only" open-mic that I'm aware of, and women really like it because almost every other mic is basically all men. The only thing keeping three times the crowd from coming is the size of the room. Please upgrade it for her. Cheers! --Wolf Alexander, (i) for Congress NY10 2026

---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Tue, Jan 21, 2025 at 7:18 PM Subject: Re: Can I Write for You? To: < info@socialistalternative.org >, < NY@socialistalternative.org >, < Philly@socialistalternative.org >, < SAPghBC@gmail.com >, < Boston@socialistalternative.org >, < nctrianglesa@gmail.com >, < HoustonSA@socialistalternative.org >, < Chicago@socialistalternative.org >, < CincinnatiSocialistAlternative@gmail.com >, < Gr.SocialistAlternative@gmail.com >, < Madison@socialistalternative.org >, < Milwaukee@socialistalternative.org >, < MN@socialistalternative.org >, < Seattle@socialistalternative.org >, < SocialistAlternativeLA@gmail.com >, < BayArea@socialistalternative.org >, < SDSocialistAlternative@gmail.com > SAMPLE ESSAY FOR APPLICATION TO WRITE FOR YOUR NEWSPAPER, gratis, from "Congressman...

Question: What is an indoor activity that I enjoy where there are only or nearly only girls? Every comedy open mic is at best 1/5 girls. There is not a single woman here, much less a spitfire. I may go. In a little bit after I use the free heat. This is supposed to be hosted by a woman. If that's true I'll stay. I am in a room full of boys. Men. Whatever. Jackasses. I don't want to hear their voices. See them. Be near them. It's 0-8 W/M. The host is a spitfire. Yay!

Here I go. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Mon, Jan 20, 2025, 06:37 Subject: A Real Question To: < organizing@womensmarch.com > Do you mind if a man takes fire for you on the way to victory? What I mean is: no matter how much I care and agree with you, ultimately I am fighting for your rights, not mine. I am running for Congress. I am going to win this campaign and I am going to remove Christian conservatives from American politics. At least I am going to make them give up on this issue forever. I promise. Will you help me help you? THE E.R.A. WILL BE RATIFIED FOR REAL. When I say #DriveThruAbortions I mean that ease of access. That's what I will set in granite. This five decades old war will end in your favor and I will end it. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT? Every women's issue I will support. Even ones I don't know about yet. ***** Cheers! Please respond. You have never had a better wom...

Technical difficulties on my laptop (no wifi atm) and the bell went!... And now the internet turned on. But I already started this on my phone. SAVE AS DRAFT!... That's better. I can write if not faster, as fast more comfortably with a real keyboard. IN FACT you have got to buy one of these if you have enough disposable income for a coffee a day: World's Coolest Keyboard AD BREAK!  I am running for Congress in New York's Tenth! The Flyin' Tenth! Raise your hand if you watched Stephen Colbert's "Better Know a District". (I thought I was going to be reading this aloud) If you're not familiar. Stephen Colbert had a much better show called "The Colbert Report". He interviewed a bunch of our representatives and they all, looked bad. Some worse than others. The worst was a Congressman from Georgia who never shut up about the Ten Commandments and then could. Not name, all ten. I can't remember how many he got. I fell off my chair lau...

I am waiting in line to order 30 minutes? ago. I have gotten passed about ten times. It's funny. Did one of you pass me? I never write without a plan beyond the title. If that. This is an essay written in the style I say of Hunter S. Thompson. Or Lester Bangs. But you tell me. I am sure I am not the only writer making stream of consciousness fun again. I wish there were more of these groups. There are many opportunities for standup comedy performing. Do any of you know any more of these? I am not wearing my hat or cape with my name on it. I wish I was. Skip a paragraph to get a hint why. Wait I am reading this. You can't skip. Still two more paragraphs hold on. If you visit my newspaper from SpitfireHunter.com, you will read much more explicit material. This is me writing politely. I am getting passed again. I am happy about this pass.  That was the hint. If you go to my newspaper or website you will understand. I could tell you but that would remove the incentive f...

When walking, often a car will appear in my, lane, as I am headed against traffic in the street.  Not wanting it to hit me, I could get onto the sidewalk. What I enjoy doing is glaring at them like they will die if they don't stop. They get the message. Scare the horses means glare at them in front of the carriage. The carriage. A car is a horseless carriage. Imagine the horses are back in front. Glare at them to stop the car. It's a combination of imagination and reality. A spell. If you try to glare at the driver from that distance you miss. Your glare is a gunshot of energy. It's the change in your demeanor. You have to aim it ahead of the target. The horses are in front of the CARriage. By aiming at the horses the wrong way (since you were not a... "let's say he doesn't have a sense of humor " for an Office of the Navy...) you are aiming at the driver accurately. They feel your barely contained rage at them for daring to drive a...

Here's my essential flirtation problem. By explaining it I'm hoping to make it go away. When I hear, or otherwise observe you without looking at directly at you, I appreciate you the whole person. But when I look at you directly, I am forced to make The essential human decision: Do you look, attractive. Specifically are you "pretty"? PRETTY IS HAPPY.  Happy in the now. You are pretty to me when you are happy in the moment.  The moment I choose to really look at you, you might not be happy. So if I see you and it's not a good moment, I will make the lousy, split second, uncontrollable judgement you're not pretty. And that's not true. You are pretty. You're just not feeling a lust for life at the exact moment I opine, in my head, on your attractiveness. You do it too. When I look at you directly you do the same. You judge me too.  I am not adept (yet?) at being coy with my reaction. The second I really see you,  I give my opinion away. Which ...

I don't have writer's block. I have "I'm bored and writing something sounds better than sitting here for half an hour trying not to listen to the conversations I want to listen to." It's really obvious I am eavesdropping on girls talking. So writing with speed keeps me somewhat distracted. Certain conversationalists attract more of my attention. ***** I waited for two hours to get on stage at The Grenwhich Village Comedy Club and when I got to perform all the girls had left. There were four really funny female comedians. A date with any would have made my evening. If you are reading this and you are a single, spitfire, contact me. ***** This is fun torture. There are two sexy sounding girls talking and I want to listen and am. When I am particuarly interestested I slow down writing. And tilt my head and smile which makes it obvious. ♤♡◇♧Boys but not me are really 1) dumb and 2) weak. Sorry. It's not my fault. I am available as of 1/17/25♧◇♡♤ I ...

I WENT TO AN ALL GIRLS BURLESQUE SHOW at the Producer's Club last night. It was my first and I am not a strip-club goer. When I was watching my favorite performer (JJ), I was doing my best to focus on her, the whole person, and not merely her delicious looking body. I wanted her to know that yeah, I wanted her bad, but I wanted, her. That I appreciated how sexy she, was. Her performance was sexy. Her art was sexy.  The gumption, intelligence, rebelliousness and lustiness to make it sexy came from her guts, her head, her heart and her ovaries.  Her character. Her personality. Was hot. Very very hot. I wanted, her. And I wanted her to know I wanted, her. ***** I can hear your subconscious, self-conversation. Your inner monologue? I get the gist. I can hear, body language. I can sense the motivations for your reactions. HOW: You are looking at me because of the way I'm dressed and move about and handle myself. You are paying attention to me and what I do. You are reac...

---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Thu, Jan 16, 2025, 08:40 Subject: The Battle of Room 207 To: < careers@thefp.com > Cc: < tips@thefp.com >, < info@lutyensrubinstein.co.uk > Last 500 words for the week. Did you block me or are you a good sport? ***** "The Battle of Room 207" I am at a reasonably cool, very affordable hostel in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.  It's a four bed double bunk bed room. It's 7am. There are at least two loud cocksuckers (boys in here). One of them woke me at 5am yelling at the fourth resident to stop snoring.  I growled that he! and not the snorer (who I never heard and it wasn't me) WAS THE ONE WAKING ME UP! I am a hostel veteran. I know the etiquette. Don't be loud in the room between ~10pm and 10am. Do your absolute best, to not annoy everyone else at all times. These two jackasses don't know that or don't care. At 7am...

Amtrak scores again! Amtrak, courtesy of the Charlottesville depot, is paying for a taxi to Richmond for this girl so she's not stranded here for 6 hours. She has a connection. I am impressed. That's first class service! Charlottesville, Virginia - Poor Richard's Almanac Virginia Edition - January 15, 1757. DONALD TRUMP TOLD his daughter and/or sons "find me a female chief of staff who I am not attracted to". She looks like Thelma Harper (I love Thelma Harper): She is gonna... I don't know. Depends on how long until he fires her. Or reassigns her. I wish he wouldn't because that would mean a girl is almost in charge. If she is really smart she can get and stay on his good side and causually control him. No matter how evil she is she's a girl and not #DonaldChump so there's two ways she can be better. He thinks he's an American god. Since there are no "gods" he is mistaken. I am Alexander, child of the sun. I didn...

---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Tue, Jan 14, 2025, 08:36 Subject: Do I Have the Moxie? To: < dana@gothamwriters.com >, < contact@gothamwriters.com > Dana, May I send you an essay? If the answer is no you are jokingly required to stop reading, now. ***** Writer's block. I have it now that I gave you that big promise. Of an awesome essay. I wouldn't trouble you for less than new and my best. Forgive any typos I miss. Sending this is fun so editing slows that down. A view from my 3rd floor hotel perch in Charlottesville, Virginia! I am mentally assassinating boys as they walk past. See this video: https://youtube.com/shorts/ecYZUIDIqVk?si=AK_KvioEYuFP4JuP I'm really bad Dana. Oh, I'm not supposed to talk to you.  Female reader. I am 9 tons of bad. All against boys.  This is my Hunter S. Thompson impression. How'm I doing? There w...

EXTRA EXTRA! The unhealthiest thing you can do when you're sick is get into bed. ***** I emailed the latest guru of eternal life and told him he's going the wrong direction. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Tue, Jan 14, 2025, 05:40 Subject: Press Release About Death To: < news@bryanjohnson.co > Cc: hello@houseplant.com < hello@houseplant.com >, media@houseplant.com < media@houseplant.com >, careers@houseplant.com < careers@houseplant.com > "If you're in love with someone totally and they the same, you can preserve each other." ***** Dear Bryan,  I bet you a hundred thousand dollars Seth Rogen lives longer than you do. Because he is very happily married and living a  very enjoyable life with his wife . Bravo on your efforts. I can live forever a totally different way, but your way won't hurt working on as a backup. A practical example:...