The City is On Fire!

I am finally a "who's that hot guy over there?!"

I confirmed it tonight. 

The girl at the desk downstairs. The way she said hello to me, after I said hello to her. 

"Hey there," she said.

She said it like a girl who thought I was hot. Not like a front desk attendent being polite to a guest.

I have built myself into hot. Not just athletically which helps. I feel like Congressman Wolf Alexander. I feel like I did REDACTED work for the Navy. I feel like myself.

I feel like a boy girls want to fuck on sight.

Sorry for the frank language. You're the one thinking it. I'm just reporting it.

*****

I am so, excited. To put myself in sight, of hundreds of thousands of beautiful girls. 

Not only am I hot, I am unique about it. 

The other guys who attract as much lusty attention can not defeat me in anything.

I don't back down. Ever. And I am so bold, they don't even challenge me.

Watch me, amungst one or more boys of any nature. I am clearly the wolf of the dogs.

Boys are dogs. All of them. I am uniquely hot, because I have all the attributes girls like about a "player" without being a using unloving asshole. 

I am "a nice boy" in wolf's clothing. I am sensitive. Eager to worship you and slow to anger. I want my fairy-tale lover, not an unending stream of one night stands.

And yet I am. The absolute, dominating male presence among all males.

Girl(s), there is no situation in life that I can't handle. 

James Bond couldn't start a fire and build a shelter. I can. 

Bear Grylls can't glide into a casino in Monte Carlo like he owns it. I can.

And nobody walks down the street like I do. Unstoppable. I jaywalk across two at once, in front of the police, while halting traffic with my hat.

*****

I can't wait. I am going to hit New York City like an EMP. Everything will look the same but everyone will be different.

 

Donald Trump, Jake Paul and Timothee Chalamet will all lose to me, embarrassingly so, before I hang up my title belt.

Every girl in The City who considers herself a spitfire will want to meet me. And none of you will be disappointed. For not only am I awesome, but I will make the other boys a little more awesome too. 

They don't know, what you want. If they did, one of them would have done what I'm about to do.

Charm you all. By being the sweetest, baddest boy in the five boroughs. 

"My name is Apollo. Child of the sun."

----Alex the Spitfire Hunter

On Thu, Jan 9, 2025, 11:26 Wolf Alexander <congressmanalexander@gmail.com> wrote:

OP/ED begins now:

I am enjoying "Girls" for the first time and who said Lena Dunham wasn't hot? I read critics gave her unending meaness about her weight but she wasn't fat. She wasn't unattractive at all quite the opposite.

She was chubby. So? Chubby is as hot as thin. She was super cute it makes me upset that she believed one word of that stupid-boy-speak.

It makes me more upset that so many awesome girls have such lousy "men". Torched, girls. The other boys, by me. I know what you want:

Chivalry in a gangster who makes the law but not for you.

Am I off?

"Girls" is the opposite of "The Sopranos". I switched in the middle of season two. I couldn't take listening to another angry male. At least the boys in "Girls" are sufficiently weak it's tolerable when they speak.

Meanwhile Jemima Kirke, the British girl, who I messaged on Instagram after her character Jessa said "I am unsmotable", is really, really atttactive. Jessa is so bad... I can only assume she, Mlle. Kirke, is similar. 

Thus I DM'ed her. I am not lying about myself so why not ask her out?

I am not expecting her to reply any more than my editor-at-large, Ms. Bari Weiss, of The Free Press. 

Nonetheless they are hearing me. The words or intimation "I am the best boy" has been received.

I guess I gotta smote some motha fuckin' boys.

Non-violently and legally of course. From the stage. I am going to be a comedian. New York City has open mics every hour every day.

Fame! It's a guaranteed cure for lack of female attention.

Except I would rather write than hold a microphone. I have no stage fright. More like stage boredom. 

I feel like I am on stage OFF stage. Getting continental breakfast this morning I felt like a celebrity being watched. I like it.

Another hot scene with Jessa being unstoppable. I get off on that. Girls who kick ass. 

As I typed Shoshana turned and beat up a boy who was following her. Good! All girls gotta do that. I wrote the same a few days ago.

Anyway when I've gotten on stage it's been a letdown.

Ideas, girl(s)?

How do I get your attention and keep it? I am, the best boy. 

I am not crowing, I know. But if you don't know you won't ask me out.

I want an "I can't be smoted!" girl to demand me. Then I'll know I am dealing with an aggressive enough woman.

Pretty girls are everywhere. Warrior hellions are not. Are you a warrior hellion?

--Wolf Alexander for Congress

On Wed, Jan 8, 2025, 17:46 Wolf Alexander <congressmanalexander@gmail.com> wrote:

Hey Bari,

This is not the way to write this email, but this is how I enjoy writing.

I have respected you as a journalist for a long time. 

I would like to write for your magazine. You don't have to pay me.

Here is a writing sample I am crafting off the cuff:

"Every once in a while, someone stands up for what is right against their career interests.

That person was you.

I hope it's worked out. The system doesn't like a rebel. You are definitely a rebel. 

Groupthink and Bari Weiss do not belong in this sentence together! I hope you recognize a fellow traveler."

*****

I could write more. Do you want more?

Imagine Hunter S. Thompson came back to life and sent you an email saying, "hey, give me space for a thousand words a week."

What would you say?

If you'd say yes to him, you should say yes to me.

Cheers!

-Alex

--Wolf Alexander

SpitfireHunter.com