Wizardry in the 21st Century

ALSO: "An Open Resume to All Sororities Nationwide"

You are aware that "reading people" is not science fiction, right?

Well I am better at it than you are.

I don't have to look at someone to know everything about how they feel in the given moment we interact.

This is a handy skill. 

Wizardry is using that skill as an offensive weapon against boys. 

When, any, boy, approaches me, I do not give anything away. Except I am observing them absolutely, even as I type. And they see me. And I observe that. Then comes the wizardry. As they observe me, while I seemingly don't observe them, I am sending them spells. In my mind. and my body very casually sends those spells. Very, very subtle signals that the boy or boys do not consciously notice but subconsciously they get the message I don't want them around.

I am willing to put this to use for you. At no charge except a walk-in-closet or larger to sleep in, in your House.

How's that sound?

Let me be Obama-clear. If you don't or any of your sisters don't want to have sex with me that's fine. Disappointing but fine. As long as I can bring some other girl back to my closet that'll work.

This is a joke but I am serious. I want to hang out with hot girls only. Hang out is good enough. Sex preferred. If I never talk to another boy again as long as they live that's fine. 

Cool?

I am available as of the first.

The first of now.

-Alex

P.S. Oh the "reasons you'll like this idea." I should have included that at the beginning.

Reasons:

1. I am harmless.

2. I am hot.

3. Other boys are hell-for-leather terrified of me so if you want any boy in your life to go away all you have to say is "go get'em Alex" and they'll go away. Not forever from life but forever from yours. It's my guarantee! :0)

"If Wolf Alexander does not remove an annoying boy from your life you are entitled to a full money back, no obligation refund."

There's a boy standing in front of me right now. He doesn't know he is standing in a bad spot, because I can throw him onto Connecticut Avenue in less than three seconds if I want to.

Not that I would. But it would be fun. 

Yes. That would be fun. AND HE MOVED!

At the moment I had that "death thought," as I typed "Yes. That would be fun," and imagined my glee if I was allowed to do it, he left. Walked away. RIGHT THAT EXACT SECOND. As I licked my lips in my head HE FELT THE DANGER and flew.

I can do it again in an in-person interview.

As and when desired.

"Boy Remover"

--Wolf Alexander

P.P.S. YOUR BOUNCER. 

---Congressman Alex

P.P.P.S.

To summarize: 1. I like girls. 2. I hate boys. 3. You hate some boys. 4. You may have trouble making those boys go away. 5. I have no trouble at that. 6. All I want in return is "life away from boys."

The first sorority in America who sends me an invitation gets me. It can be secret. I won't tell.

----Hawkeye (of the movie "The Last of the Mohicans")

P.P.P.P.S.

I like using all my nicknames.

-----Admiral of the Sky (cause I'm smoking weed rizz)

P.P.P.P.P.S.

304-871-4759 CALL! or text girls. No dickpics please.

@SpitfireHunter on TikTok

This email is being read by your fathers at SpitfireHunter.com. He doesn't like me A TON.

------The Next Congressman from Virginia is for Lovers!

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Seriously, if you have a boyfriend you love, or "are a lesbian," or for some other reason I can't understand don't want me, romantically, how about politically? 

You notice The Chump won. ONLY I CAN GET HIM TO BE GOOD. Help Me win (tell your girlfriends).

-------Me