HOT OFF THE PRESS! new and updated "I May Have a Date With a Cop"
This is 100% true.
(Steve McQueen (and Robert Vaughn) in "Bullit" 1968))
A female police officer with a sexy voice named REDACTED wants to meet me when I get into Charlottesville, Wednesday.
Hint about her name:
*Marty &
There's no legal need for her to meet me.
She wants to anyway.
~"Well, it's already scheduled, so..." was my translation of her replies.
That's really hot. Except I am not going to be her prisoner and am not a "bad" boy. So...
Anyway I hope she comes alone otherwise I'll get the message it isn't a date. At which point I won't want to talk to them, because who wants to talk to the police?
I'm sorry, police, if you want to have better relationships with every other member of the universe don't make your career putting people in steel boxes.
While i'm on the subject, here are some more things you police officers should never do again:
1. Look for a law to put somebody in jail because you think they deserve it.
2. That'll be a good start.
3. How about less paperwork? I can give that to you, police officers. If I win.
4. Oh right, things you're not supposed to do.
5. Get a thrill out of using your political power to make someone do what you want them to do.
What I mean is, using the radio to call for backup is the kind of thing a wuss does.
6. You speed, and then you give tickets to people for speeding. Do you have any idea how f****** annoying that is?
7. You think because you can put us in jail that means you're right. No that means you're a dickhead.
8. Actually, you are right, because might makes right. And you have the might of the entire United States of America's armed forces behind you.
10. The question is, how tough are you without the gun, the badge, the spray, the handcuffs, and most importantly the Kevlar football pads... the radio. Oh yeah, the taser now too. What you really need is a shotgun that fires a great big net.
11. Seriously, the best weapon you can use against somebody is a Spider Man, shotgun net cartridge or something like that, because that won't hurt them, and it'll protect you.
12. When someone not a law enforcement officer gives you attitude, the thing not to do is give them attitude back. You already have all of those guns, bombs, missiles, tanks, ships and rules behind you.
13. I'd rather see you girls and boys not in uniforms and I don't mean naked. I mean, in plain clothes. I hate seeing LEOs dressed like Yankee soldiers.
14. Protect and serve okay, but serve who?
They may be blue, but your coats are red.
You serve the King of England.
In 1757.
15. Right. So when someone who doesn't know how to respect you disrespects you, don't disrespect them back, because then they'll disrespect you back and then you'll have to kill them. That's how it usually goes, at least on television. Instead joke with them. Or walk away for a moment. Regroup, go get your M16, but don't say anything. Just calm them down by not egging them on you f****** retards.
Your job is to prevent crime from happening, not record it.
That's what a journalist does.
High I'm a journalist.
What I mean is, if you can prevent people from going to jail, you're doing your job. Let me put that down again so you have another chance to read it: If you prevent people from going to jail because you don't want to take them, you're doing a good job.
Diffuse, is that a confusing word diffuse?The situations. So that you don't have to arrest somebody and you don't have to do paperwork.
Even if laws have already been broken, so what is everybody okay? Is everybody happy, alright? Good? Nobody has to go to jail. See you later.
16. I don't hate the police once they get to know me and once I get to know you. Rebel outs to the Aces of Harrison County, WVa Law.Enforcement!
17. That's because police are robots for the law. You do certain things they have to do certain things. No police officer I have ever met has had the temerity to violate the law in front of their superior officer for a good cause. That only happens in the movies, I guess.
18. That rebel, cop? like Dirty Harry:
(trigger warning: " black area" is unfortunately an example of the racist attitude of 50 years ago. Not now of course...)
That's such a funny scene to me. Not the violence but the disrespect of the authority figure. I f****** love that. I'll find another one...
That's a great end to a great movie from my favorite actor and he and I are cooler than every other boy ever.
But you can't be a cop and be? like that. Because you have to follow the rules as long as you don't get caught by the newspaper not following them.
19. Except the newspaper is run by the local big wig, and they're in league with the police and the prosecutors and the judges.
20. Hey cops:
Just be cool.
Just be fun, just be the Super Troopers and everything will be fine.
You cause crime. Yes you help sometimes. But you do things you don't need to do. You didn't need to arrest people for marijuana back when it was illegal in Virginia. Yet you were doing it.
That's not cool.
That's sad.
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