Brown vs Board of Sex Education


Providence docks aflame!

(journalists are sailors)

---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: Wolf Alexander <congressmanalexander@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Oct 23, 2024, 3:09 PM
Subject: Brown vs Board of Sex Education
To: <info@columbiaspectator.com>, <editor@columbiaspectator.com>, <join@columbiaspectator.com>, <tips@columbiaspectator.com>, <opinion@columbiaspectator.com>, <sales@columbiaspectator.com>, <UsageRights@columbiaspectator.com>, <katie.zhang@columbiaspectator.com>, <isabella.ramirez@columbiaspectator.com>, <esha.karam@columbiaspectator.com>, <sarah.huddleston@columbiaspectator.com>, <shea.vance@columbiaspectator.com>, <judy.goldstein@columbiaspectator.com>, <manuela.silva@columbiaspectator.com>, <tulasi.cherukuri@columbiaspectator.com>, <emily.pickering@columbiaspectator.com>, <heather.chen@columbiaspectator.com>, <molly.durawa@columbiaspectator.com>, <emily.chen@columbiaspectator.com>, <takashi.williams@columbiaspectator.com>, <ann.vettikkal@columbiaspectator.com>, <den.milligan@columbiaspectator.com>, <haniya.cheema@columbiaspectator.com>, <business@yaledailynews.com>, <editor@yaledailynews.com>, <tristan.hernandez@yale.edu>, <maia.nehme@yale.edu>, <ben.raab@yale.edu>, <ellie@yaledailynews.com>, <jane.park@yale.edu>, <mia.cortescastro@yale.edu>, <laura.ospina@yale.edu>, <michael.willen@yale.edu>, <pam.ogbebor@yale.edu>, <samad.hakani@yale.edu>, <molly.reinmann@yale.edu>, <natasha.khazzam@yale.edu>, <harper.love@yale.edu>, <milan.singh@yale.edu>, <christina.lee.sl2844@yale.edu>, <joanne.lee.jjl236@yale.edu>, <ariela.lopez@yale.edu>, <lily.poling@yale.edu>, <public@yaledailynews.com>, <carlos.salcerio@yale.edu>, <esma.okutan@yale.edu>, <kk.pohly@yale.edu>, <adam.walker@yale.edu>, herald@browndailyherald.com <herald@browndailyherald.com>, gm@browndailyherald.com <gm@browndailyherald.com>, advertising@browndailyherald.com <advertising@browndailyherald.com>, <letters@browndailyherald.com>, opinions@browndailyherald.com <opinions@browndailyherald.com>, <sports@browndailyherald.com>, web@browndailyherald.com <web@browndailyherald.com>, post@browndailyherald.com <post@browndailyherald.com>


Hola Brown University! 

Me llama Alexander.

Yes I spell checked. Why?

I am writing to the Brown University Daily Something To Do Besides Pay Attention in Class.

Your newspaper!

HARK from what yonder Ivy breaks? Alright here's the deal:

The @SpitfireHunter is on TikTok!

I am he.


You are an educated adult. When I tell you I am going to be Congressman! Wolf Alexander in two years and change, I am going to be. Yale already knows. So does Columbia. See who receives this?

(Read past the P.S.)

Anyway. Educated adult, please do your reading of my broadsheet at SpitfireHunter.com. Also girls older than eighteen who attend Brown are invited to sleep with me, sex suggested. Call 304-871-4759. 

Brown Girls and white Brown girls and brown Brown girls and black Brown girls and... all the colors. 

Girls you are invited.

R.S.V.P. by taking the train to Charlottesville -- trains are fun -- and finding me. I won't be hard to find. Go to the campus and ask somebody "have you seen Congressman Alex lately?"

You have stiff competition from UVA girls though Brown girls. It's not as good of a school supposedly but who the hell wants to live in Rhode Island?

You're welcome.

:0)

-Alex

P.S. This is where I say stuff that's extra.

P.P.S. Family Guy?

On Tue, Oct 22, 2024, 11:12 AM Wolf Alexander <congressmanalexander@gmail.com> wrote:
Hey Yale! Oh I said that already.

What's the rumpus? That's Gen G for what's up?

Did I tell you I'm running for Congress? No that was Columbia's Spectator (go down).

I am running for Congress! I'm a Penn grad. So you suck but you're alright. What the hell is your mascot anyway?

Oh cool! The Bulldogs I forgot. Better than the Quakers. How does a Quaker kick ass?

Well, I am a Cavalier now. Unofficially. I just campaign there. What else do you want to talk about?

Wanna send me money? DON'T please I am not raising any. Seems fair'er to my opponent in '26 John McGuire. Poor bastard doesn't know he's term limited to one by me and he hasn't even won yet!

Independent. As the day isn't night. And I am a boy what are you?

If you're a girl and without a boyfriend I know a boy who wants to meet you...

Internship? No I am kidding. I do all of my sexual harrassment from the stand-up stage @SpitfireHunter on TikTok.

That's Alexander with an A. Wolf Alexander, for Congress.

-Alex

On Tue, Oct 22, 2024, 10:35 AM Wolf Alexander <congressmanalexander@gmail.com> wrote:
Mademoiselles,

How awesome! that you run your entire newspaper. Almost every top job is held by a girl. The patriarchy is dead. Long live the matriachy!

Really it's cool and about time that "women are in charge" in America. Unofficially until Kamala wins but overall you're doing very well.

Hi I am running for Congress in Virginia. I was one of you at The Daily Pennsylvanian. Find my OpEd about sleeping with Amy Guttman when she was the President.

Are any of you single?

I am informing the entire Ivy League journalism community about my run for the Capitol. You're the first, Columbia!

SpitfireHunter.com if you wanna read my, paper.

Yes this does sound like an email from The Daily Show. That's the spirit of my campaign! Satirical but legitimate. I am an independent but have half a platform of super-progressive ideas you will love. 

Like "Soak the Super Rich" and "Defang the Police" and Direct Demcracy. I love abortions so much I want drive-thru locations.

Help me. Or at least enjoy watching me kick The Man's ass on TikTok.

---Congressman Alex

--Wolf Alexander

Virginia's Fifth District is for Lovers!

2026

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