Last Boy Down Hatch Secured


Dive! Dive! Dive!

SOS this is a TELEGRAM

For ALL UVA and other hot girls STOP
STOP is how you finish a sentence STOP
Send me a telegram? STOP
I have a keyboard again STOP
It's really cool I have been texting my stories STOP
This is much better STOP
I am not a Naval Officer STOP
But I did do work for the Office of Naval Intelligence STOP
Go to battle stations! STOP
Steer right until this reads 4.2.0. STOP
More weed! STOP
Alex STOP
What's your name? STOP

FULL STOP

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COMING COMEDY ATTRACTIONS! A good female friend told me this essay gives off lots of bad vibes. I am leaving it published anyway because it's funny. It's sort of a stand-up routine in letter form. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Sat, Oct 12, 2024, 2:17 PM Subject: "Middle-Aged Man" Fantasy Camp To: modernlove@nytimes.com < modernlove@nytimes.com >, brianarea@gmail.com < brianarea@gmail.com >, helen@dutchuncle.co.uk < helen@dutchuncle.co.uk >, < may@cmaygallery.com > Cc: < gfmiller@unm.edu >, Seth Sturm < sethsturm@gmail.com > Dear Daniel Jones and Brian Rea, Unless you have brass balls you won't publish this in Modern Love, but 1970 Rolling Stone would have. Or Playboy! Enjoy! *****  From Charlottesville, Virginia! Upon The Corner there arose such a clatter! ...
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Greetings!

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High, I am. (my TikTok channel for secrets and scandal and sex and society) Welcome, to my newspaper. I am going to be your Congressman, UVA, if you'll vote for me. Either way I am going to have a good time trying. 304-871-4759 Call me (girls) and/or text me (girls and boys), about anything except sex. Girls sarcasm is legal and please do not contact me for sex. Let me restate rather than rewrite that. Girls please do not contact me FOR ONLY sex. That I am not interested in. You I am very interested in.  -Wolf Alexander -Alex S pitfire Hunter .com
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Dear UVA Girl

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Despite the tone of my writing and videos being frat boy chic, squared, that's all for fun. I enjoy being bad and pretending to be bad sometimes is the best I can do. I am somewhat shy around girls I don't know so I am compensating by being the loudest dressed straight boy you've ever seen. I am not a great flirter so I am hoping to catch your desire via other methods. I can't dance well to club music so I must talk to your mind first not your body. Walking around campus I probably won't approach you. You will definitely see me lope past avoiding the walkways wearing something gay. Eventually you'll know who I am and that I will want you as soon as you tell me with words or unsubtle hints that you want me. If you are brave you will not be disappointed. I am not brave about hitting on you. Yeah I can do it. But I don't like doing it, so I don't do it well. I like when I know you like me. Then I am all hero.
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