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"Middle-Aged Boy" Fantasy Camp

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COMING COMEDY ATTRACTIONS! A good female friend told me this essay gives off lots of bad vibes. I am leaving it published anyway because it's funny. It's sort of a stand-up routine in letter form. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Sat, Oct 12, 2024, 2:17 PM Subject: "Middle-Aged Man" Fantasy Camp To: modernlove@nytimes.com < modernlove@nytimes.com >, brianarea@gmail.com < brianarea@gmail.com >, helen@dutchuncle.co.uk < helen@dutchuncle.co.uk >, < may@cmaygallery.com > Cc: < gfmiller@unm.edu >, Seth Sturm < sethsturm@gmail.com > Dear Daniel Jones and Brian Rea, Unless you have brass balls you won't publish this in Modern Love, but 1970 Rolling Stone would have. Or Playboy! Enjoy! *****  From Charlottesville, Virginia! Upon The Corner there arose such a clatter! ...
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Greetings!

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High, I am. (my TikTok channel for secrets and scandal and sex and society) Welcome, to my newspaper. I am going to be your Congressman, UVA, if you'll vote for me. Either way I am going to have a good time trying. 304-871-4759 Call me (girls) and/or text me (girls and boys), about anything except sex. Girls sarcasm is legal and please do not contact me for sex. Let me restate rather than rewrite that. Girls please do not contact me FOR ONLY sex. That I am not interested in. You I am very interested in.  -Wolf Alexander -Alex S pitfire Hunter .com
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Dear UVA Girl

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Despite the tone of my writing and videos being frat boy chic, squared, that's all for fun. I enjoy being bad and pretending to be bad sometimes is the best I can do. I am somewhat shy around girls I don't know so I am compensating by being the loudest dressed straight boy you've ever seen. I am not a great flirter so I am hoping to catch your desire via other methods. I can't dance well to club music so I must talk to your mind first not your body. Walking around campus I probably won't approach you. You will definitely see me lope past avoiding the walkways wearing something gay. Eventually you'll know who I am and that I will want you as soon as you tell me with words or unsubtle hints that you want me. If you are brave you will not be disappointed. I am not brave about hitting on you. Yeah I can do it. But I don't like doing it, so I don't do it well. I like when I know you like me. Then I am all hero.
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HOT OFF THE PRESS! new and updated "I May Have a Date With a Cop"

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This is 100% true. (Steve McQueen (and Robert Vaughn) in "Bullit" 1968))  Movie Trailer A female police officer with a sexy voice named REDACTED wants to meet me when I get into Charlottesville, Wednesday. That Days of Tbunder Scene Hint about her name: *Marty & There's no legal need for her to meet me. She wants to anyway. ~"Well, it's already scheduled, so..." was my translation of her replies. That's really hot. Except I am not going to be her prisoner and am not a "bad" boy. So... Anyway I hope she comes alone otherwise I'll get the message it isn't a date. At which point I won't want to talk to them, because who wants to talk to the police? I'm sorry, police, if you want to have better relationships with every other member of the universe don't make your career putting people in steel boxes. While i'm on the subject, here are some more things you police officers should never do ag...
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Congressman Seeks Combo Girlfriend/Campaign Manager

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---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander 7th < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Mon, Nov 11, 2024, 1:14 PM Subject: To: < jweinstein3438.baberuth1920@blogger.com > Culpepper, Virginia. November, 11, 1860. Veterans Day doesn't exist yet.  "Well, the Amtrak Crescent is a northbound train. When you cain't afford to stay no more in New Orleans" - Scott Miller "Amtrak Crescent" This train isn't bound for Richmond. It's bound for Washington. Abraham Lincoln just won and I am not happy. Not because he is anti-slavery. Good! It's about time.  I am not happy because there is going to be a Civil War unless I can stop it.  However. We are getting our own country. And! the slaves shall be free. "Same time, man I don't know you same time." Next stop, Manassas.  Man ass ass. You'd think the English would have put more thought into their colonial town names back in 17whatever.  The...
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Among Other Things Chief

(The White Lotus "Dutton Ranch" Portico) If I was as "dangerous" as you wrongly labeled me, what the hell would a no trespassing order do? It's like gun control. The only people controlled from getting guns are law abiding citizens. Gangsters still get guns. Dangerous people still get guns. I don't have a gun and my knife stays in Greene County. So what's the problem? I am a rule follower believe it or not. So I can't campaign for public office in a public space. You are single handedly standing directly in my race. UVA is where it's at. My base. Very annoying, sir. UnAmerican. Dictactorial. Police overreach. Am I wrong? You just don't want to deal with me. Actually I am very friendly and I bet you'd like me out of uniform. In uniform you can safely ignore me I JUST WANNA HANG UP SOME FLIERS! Not even hand them out because that bugs people. Hang up fliers. Walk around. Sit on the grass. Converse with discretion. Clarence Thomas asshole th...
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Secret Diplomatic Mission

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Well now... sounds like you like racing. Okay. The story. So I went to do standup comedy at The Southern Theater. I had already seen an improv-standup show two weeks ago. Met Chris who'll you'll hear more about and the supersexyMILF working the bar. As you are too, fyi. So I went back to their open-mic last night. Was 14th. As the warm up done by Chris and his toady was wrapping up, a couple came in. It was crowded. I had the best table in the house. And was sitting at it like Denzel did in American Gangster.  It was a triple person table. I had no date (yet but the idea was a girl could slide on in to talk to me easily.) Plus the view. Of the door for girls and threats. And the stage. The couple couldn't find seats so Chris asked me if I would move to the comics area because, and I quote: "this booth is for patrons." Well I grudgingly scooted towards the booth exit while arguing with him about it a tad. Then the girl of the couple, as she sat down with her boyfri...
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Oh Columbia Daily Spectator of Girls!

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---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Tue, Oct 22, 2024, 10:35 AM Subject: Oh Columbia Spectator of Girls! To: < info@columbiaspectator.com >, < editor@columbiaspectator.com >, < join@columbiaspectator.com >, < tips@columbiaspectator.com >, < opinion@columbiaspectator.com >, sales@columbiaspectator.com < sales@columbiaspectator.com >, UsageRights@columbiaspectator.com < UsageRights@columbiaspectator.com >, katie.zhang@columbiaspectator.com < katie.zhang@columbiaspectator.com >, isabella.ramirez@columbiaspectator.com < isabella.ramirez@columbiaspectator.com >, esha.karam@columbiaspectator.com < esha.karam@columbiaspectator.com >, sarah.huddleston@columbiaspectator.com < sarah.huddleston@columbiaspectator.com >, shea.vance@columbiaspectator.com < shea.vance@columbiaspectator.com >, judy.goldstein@columbiaspectator.com < ...
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The Best Platform for Political Office Ever

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1. THE DESTRUCTION OF THE TWO PARTY SYSTEM and replacing it with no system at all. Just people. Independent, non partisan people, running for office under their name, and behind their ideas. 2. DIRECT DEMOCRACY: "I am therefore I vote". About EVERYTHING. Congress and the President will listen to you. Everyone votes about everything they want to vote about and that will be added up. Eventually those votes will have the power of law. For the near future you will practice caring about your country and what your government is doing and you will have a say. Power. Real power to do more than vote for a different asshole every few years. Online banking is free from mass theft. So voting by phone can be too. The Super-Rich trust an electronic system to tabulate their inheritance numbers. Therefore a fraud free platform for direct democracy can be built.  3. PRO-CHOICE TILL THE DAY THEY DIE: they are the pro-life bastards whose day has come and now they will go. Girls how about female...
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