Congressman Alexander's Broadsheet

(So far) It's Friday night at one o'clock in the morning and I am alone in my hotel room. This is not my preferred way to spend the evening.  I am frustrated by my own "rules." I am not allowing myself to openly flirt so as to campaign ethically. But passively waiting for feminine attention is not working. Yet. The only visits I am getting are from men. Yesterday a boy doing a podcast stopped by. Cool enough but not what I really wanted. I do not want the reputation of "that sussy guy running for Congress." So I am doing the opposite. There are hot girls everywhere at The Park all the time and many of you are curious about me but not enough to inquire. I am very impatient for a date. Matt Gaetz I am not. How do I ensure that without spending another Friday night by myself? The "show" I am putting on at Washington Square is getting bolder. I just ordered a mini gold microphone. But I need to make a breakthrough, socially. There's als...

I always win that contest. I do not allow anything a boy does to affect what I am doing. If I do let it affect me accidently, I snarl at them and get back to where I was. No man gets in my way. Physically or mentally. I dynamite them out of my path. For example: I am daydreaming. Some jackass boy yells something across The Park that interrupts my reverie. I think to myself "shut the fuck up!" in an effective tone, and I regain my center. ***** Bike delivery messengers are weak and a gang.  They hang out together on Broadway especially. Blocking the walking routes, sprawling across the patios, and getting in my way.  When they're riding like the cavalry to a Door Dash emergency, many have no lights while wearing dark clothes. I don't care it's the bike lane I am hiking in. The pedestrian is always right. If one of them ever runs into me, they're gonna wish I was a bus. Note: 1/25 bike riders is a woman. When I recognize a female biker, I make way fo...

If you read my previous story already, and or this one , you know I am trying to make The Park nicer. The group that ain't gonna go so easily are the drug dealers. I don't have, a.problem with selling drugs. The weed dealers by the fountain are selling drugs. Some like hotdog vendors (funny!) Some have a table! I love Washington Square Park because they can do that. I mean the ones on my racetrack. Or on the paths to the arch in quiet areas. Them I don't like. First of all they're selling the bad drugs. I don't care even about that. They're lurking. They're gangsterish. I don't like those men. Those men are also gonna get the fuck out. When one tried giving me lip last week I ripped his off (metaphorically). They're done.  I need a few weeks. I keep hinting I am an undercover cop. Which I am not. But I seem like it. Don't I? Maybe even an undercover cop, cop. Internal affairs. I may seem like that. What I am going to seem more like now is a Narc...

I have two statements about the homeless drug addicts that haunt Washington Square: The first is "go the fuck away". The second is "gimme two years and I'll help you." Both are true. I will help them. They're first on the list for help from their Congressman after I win. But until then, the homeless drug addict men who think stumbling around with their pants down is cool, will find out otherwise. And stop, and go. Yesterday just such a boy was "hanging out" by the cafe. I think it was the same one from the day before. Regardless, he was there yesterday. After my third lap around the racetrack (outer paths), he was still there. That's more than 20 minutes. That's enough time to stand in one spot being conspicuously unnerving to women. I'm sorry he's homeless. If I could tar and feather the billionaires for making him so I would. I will, soon.  But I wanted him to stop being strange and get the fuck out of The Park. So I stopped nearb...

---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Wed, Feb 26, 2025 at 8:30 AM Subject: Press Release: "Congressional Residency" To: < editor@nyunews.com >, < egenova@nyunews.com >, < abairdhassell@nyunews.com >, < iderasmo@nyunews.com >, < kwelander@nyunews.com >, < tnejand@nyunews.com >, < mkotval@nyunews.com >, < nzaldivar@nyunews.com >, < lng@nyunews.com >, < jdiorio@nyunews.com >, < amehta@nyunews.com >, < ldonnelly@nyunews.com >, < emalabanan@nyunews.com >, < gstotz@nyunews.com >, < kkomanduri@nyunews.com >, < srt9826@stern.nyu.edu >, < lolukoga@nyunews.com >, < gtan@nyunews.com >, < jkim@nyunews.com >, < nroy@nyunews.com >, < tips@nyunews.com >, < opinion@nyunews.com >, < mgmt@nyunews.com > Dear Fellow Journalists, Hey Washington Square News! I am Alex. ...

Just because I am dressed boldy does not mean I am surfing for cock. Straight black men wear bright colors. So do I. A goddamn boy came up and hit on me today. I can't tell you how unappealing that was. I need a sign that just says "males go the fuck away." Maybe that would get through.

Whenever I have, to deal with boys, there always arises the question: which of the two of us is better? This arises in both our minds. I don't know if you do this, ladies. But we men decide which one of us can kill the other, and base our treatment of the other from that decision. Since I am capable of removing any given man from health whenever I want to, my usual attitude is "do what I want before I kill you." Now I don't say that of course. But gradually when a particular male is "giving me the high hat" (being dismissive) I get angrier, until the tone of my words, while remaining pleasant officially, gets into the "now!! you cocksucker! before I cut your body off and set your face on fire." When you girls do anything I enjoy it. Even if you don't like me. I not only can tolerate it, I don't mind. But I am not going to be upstaged, ignored, insulted, or not obeyed by any boy for the rest of my life. Any man who does that is going to get ...

Jon Stewart doesn't know what a pain in the perineum is yet. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Tue, Feb 25, 2025 at 7:51 AM Subject: Oh Jonny Boy! My Pipe My Pipe To: < reservations@thedailyshow.com >, < internship@thedailyshow.com >, < veteranprogram@thedailyshow.com >, < jenflanz@thedailyshow.com >, < info@thedailyshow.com >, < help@thedailyshow.com >, < Mets@thedailyshow.com >, < tilzer@roar.la >, Michael Kosta < michael@michaelkosta.com >, < dbo@dixontalent.com >, < ramin.hedayati@gmail.com >, < jmelkmann@thedailyshow.com >, < tickets@thedailyshow.com >, < jon@thedailyshow.com > Is calling... For you to smoke weed with me. You do still smoke right? DID YOU HEAR I STOPPED BY YESTERDAY? Did your upscale thugs tell you I was out front all afternoon? Your line of showgoers was just aching to be entertained and I c...

Hey Dahrlin'! I am listening to some happy Americana music. But not some good old boy. A great young gal named Adrienne Young : It makes me miss you and we haven't met yet. I talk to you all the time. You are my home remedy. I can't wait to be yours. I am so impatient for you. Yeah I am excited to be a Congressman. But to meet you... You are much grander a dream. You are more than everything. Politics is just the game. You are the real life I want. I am working on this campaign full blast. And full blast for me is quite a fire, spitfire! I'll change the world to find you. I am going not to work, but "to play", at 3:00. To The Park! Washington's Square. Which is now Wolf Alexander's Square. Will I meet you today? Are you in my district? When will we barn dance together by the fountain? I have been shy to write to you. What if my voters don't take me seriously because I'm pining for someone I haven't met yet? Oh well! :0) They'll get used...

P.S. Pick out a boy/male/man/guy you think I can't scare. Tell me. Watch me do it. I AM NOT GOING TO FLIRT WITH YOU UNLESS YOU DO FIRST. Sometimes I forget I am talking only to you. In the past I was talking to men, primarily, because I wanted something from them.  Now boys have nothing I want.  But you do. You have wisdom, enthusiam, fresh creativity, votes, shares, gossip and free time. May I have this chance?  You are shyer than I expected. Collectively. But I bet there are lots of you spitfires on campus who simply haven't seen or heard of me yet. Many of you are only now.  High! I am the man/male/boy running for Congress at NYU. Alex. Wolf Alexander. "Our Congressman!" :0) I'm really nice. Not even pretend nice. Genuinely liking your company  I'm really hot. I make every man in New York City seem pathetic. I'm really serious. I am going to win this election because of you. I am courting your attention. And your support. And your en...

I don't think MAGA really cares about trans issues. They didn't show up to protest drag story hour yesterday in Queens, because it was cold. They don't care. They pretend to care because it's a liberal thing. So they're supposed to. The Christian conservatives care but they think Jesus is watching them. So what do they know? (Nothing) It's the MAGA hardliners I mean. Trump and his ugly men. Liberals: They hate our team and everything our team is doing just because we're doing it. If only there weren't two teams! IF ONLY THERE WEREN'T TWO TEAMS. I am getting rid of the teams. Why do there have to be two teams? Because there are two parties sharing power. If there weren't two parties sharing power there wouldn't be two teams. When there are no parties at all, there won't be two teams. Or any teams!! Yes, some people would still care what happens at a quiet library in Queens. But the entire team, that now "cares" would ...

***** Public Service Announcement: If anything you read below is interpreted by you as a threat of violence, you misinterpreted it. Nothing written below is a threat of violence. Nothing below is a threat of anything. It is satire. Humor. Fictional journalism. Nothing written below is intended to be done. Have a nice day, and enjoy your gabagool. Capisce? ***** ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Wed, Feb 19, 2025, 07:05 Subject: This is Revenge Part I To: < wdonahue@kosmacorp.com > Cc: ikeane@nypost.com < ikeane@nypost.com > Dear Will, You "came" onto my campus and abused a woman. Kaya Walker.  I don't like that.  I will remember your name and your face. I am not going away from the American scene. I just got here! So later, when I can ruin your life legally, I will. You should remember my name, and my face, and this email, you fuck. Stay away from NYU. And tell your boss th...

Donald J. Trump is such a cocksucker he forced an NYU student out of her club presidency because she didn't say his son is awesome. I will get him back for you Kaya. Non-violently and legally. I promise. NY Post Story ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < thespitfirehunter@gmail.com > Date: Wed, Feb 19, 2025, 06:44 Subject: I Wish You Would Have Held To: <REDACTED> Kaya, I'm sure you're being inundated with b.s. from MAGA.  1. If any of them really bother you, please let me know and they will stop. 2. I wish you wouldn't have resigned. You could have made them look really bad if they tried to force you out. I don't know if you have shared with a journalist the behind the scenes discussions, but I would love to know what those assholes said to you. 3. How about going independent to stick it in their ass?  I figure you won't reply or stop by to visit me any afternoon when I'm in Washington Square anytime soon, ...

I am going to The Queens Library in Elmhurst in hopes some MAGA cocksuckers come by, so they never come by again. It's a Drag Story hour at 1:30 & I am a muscular progressive! It's called an attack by ambush. Which is different from a regular ambush.  An ambush is a stationary position waiting for the bad guys.  An attack by ambush is a moving ambush. A timed, ambush. Both adversaries arriving at the battle site at roughly the same time.  It's an attack because it's not a prepared position. I haven't been there before and won't be early. The ambush is me knowing already how badly they are going to lose and how the battle will go. I am coming ready for a type of battle MAGA can't deal with and they don't know I'm coming! I am on the M train, at 46th in Queens. I am ready for a Rangers vs. Celtic scenario. Glasgow. Scottish football, not hockey/basketball. Protestants vs Catholics when they are ready to kill each other over soccer. :0) ...

---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Tue, Feb 18, 2025 at 9:46 AM Subject: The Dearest Dear Jon Letter To: < reservations@thedailyshow.com >, < internship@thedailyshow.com >, < veteranprogram@thedailyshow.com >, < jenflanz@thedailyshow.com >, < info@thedailyshow.com >, < help@thedailyshow.com >, < Mets@thedailyshow.com >, < tilzer@roar.la >, < michael@michaelkosta.com >, < dbo@dixontalent.com >, < ramin.hedayati@gmail.com >, < jmelkmann@thedailyshow.com > If you are a man and your name isn't Jon Stewart, and you don't send this to him, you are fucked. He'll tell me who forwarded and who didn't and if you didn't, reread the last sentence. ***** Dear Jon, Thanks for the $10 million dollar advertisement you made for me, against my opponent, Dan Goldman. If I would have had to bribe you to do it, that's how much y...

---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Tue, Feb 18, 2025 at 8:50 AM Subject: To: The MEN of the P.S.L of New York To: < Media@riseandresist.org >, info@riseandresist.org < info@riseandresist.org >, contact@phillyliberationcenter.org < contact@phillyliberationcenter.org >, fspus@socialism.com < fspus@socialism.com >, disability@dsacommittees.org < disability@dsacommittees.org >, abolition@dsacommittees.org < abolition@dsacommittees.org >, < info@pslweb.org >, sf@pslweb.org < sf@pslweb.org >, info@peoplesforum.org < info@peoplesforum.org >, < wwp@workers.org >, mvanderlaan@alligator.org < mvanderlaan@alligator.org >, njswpcampaign@gmail.com < njswpcampaign@gmail.com > Dear BOYS of the Party of Socialist Liberation, The Tenth Congressional District of New York includes Union Square Park and Washington Square Park and Tompk...

Wow I am high. The extra energy is a lot. I heard men throughhout my TV episode. I predicted yesterday I was about to be visited by boys and I was. Today. I made them talk to me. I was going to say I am angry about it. And I am and I'm not. I wanted attention but not from them. "Message in a Paper Airplane"  Come talk to me. Spitfire nearby. Starboard of me. At ~6:30 around the center ring if the arch was 12:00.  You were there as I was recording my TV show. You have that hella sassy and energetic voice. I have no idea what you look like. -Alex End Message

---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Sun, Feb 16, 2025, 09:58 Subject: I Disagree at 52:00 To: < nicolafumo@gmail.com >, Magdalene Taylor < magdalenetaylor@gmail.com > Black Tie with Dark MAGA "Inevitabilities About Our Culture" "We have these voids... space to be filled." You both seem to agree that Donald Trump (and other "important people") are summoned by reality. "History makes The Woman."  I say "The Woman makes History." No one summoned Amelia Earhart. She summoned herself. The most powerful and influential among us get to choose the most about our culture. Donald Trump is unfortunately that person right now. He, did it. I hate him, but you have to give him credit. He won. By himself both times. If he didn't exist, MAGA would not exist. You would never have heard of it. It would still generic populist Republicans from The Tea Party...

---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Sun, Feb 16, 2025, 09:33 Subject: I Love Your Wile E. Business Card To: < nicolafumo@gmail.com > Hey Nicola, I am listening to your discussion with Magdalene. Black Tie. Do you have guests on the show? Please have me on. I need attention. It was cute hearing you two brush with the idea of liking MAGA men (Barron). I am not a MAGA man. I am a SuperProgressive. What I'd like to do is find some of those MAGA c********** and emasculate them on camera. I asked Magdalene to give me their contact info if she has them. Do they have a hangout bar in NYC I can crash? I will be in Washington Square Park every afternoon between ~4 & 5:30. You can't miss me. I'd love to record with the two of you there. Or just stop by and say hi. SpitfireHunter.com. I am the hottest candidate for The House. Soon on The Daily Show? Details Monday night. -Alex --Wolf Alexander

---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Sun, Feb 16, 2025 at 8:49 AM Subject: MAGA Clubhouse and Company Story To: Magdalene Taylor < magdalenetaylor@gmail.com > Hey Magdalene, Can you share any contacts you made that night you went to Sovereign House with me? I am running for Congress and want to contact "NYC MAGA" for various political and journalistic reasons. Many of which you may enjoy. Cheers, -Alex --Wolf Alexander SpitfireHunter.com

Dear Melissa of the P.S.L. I am going to reread what you wrote, again, carefully, before I respond. Despite my eagerness to reply. Thank you for being generous with your opinion. Your quotes are first. "There is no single strategy more failed than attempting to coopt the political machine to make it work for everyday people." True. "I am for the revolutionary overthrow of the government." That's pretty cool. To be that brave. Really. I don't think it's the best idea but your courage is awesome. "There is no democratic structure to "retain" here in the first place." Technically you're right. This is a republic. But I'd argue that we have more "democratic structure" here than in most countries. Somewhat ineffective at democracy though it may be. I want direct democracy. That's in my platform. I want everyone to be able to vote about everything the government does all the time.  "But even within the framework...

Hey Everybody, I am not coming to today's meeting in Washington Heights. Instead I want to say a few things to you this way. I hope you don't mind. I applaud your enthusiasm and your goals. You want our government to stop beating up on the most vulnerable and doing the bidding of the most successful. I agree. You're wasting your time with everything you're doing. Nothing bothers Donald Trump and MAGA. They will continue to do what they've begun no matter how much you complain. They own all three branches of government. You can get no redress for your grievances.  Yet they must be stopped. How? There are only two ways. Revolution and election. That's it. Either you have to violently throw them out of power, or you have to vote them out of power.  You are not planning to do either and I do not support the former.  Socialists, progressives, leftists, etc. have been trying to make the Super-Rich give up their power, money, land, resources and things for a very long ...

I wanted to sit here and write a story of sitting here, at Washington Square Park. But it's been too cold. It's barely warm enough for me to do this. I have to wait 25 minutes to start my radio show. There is something I want to mention, and I will momentarily. It's important that I wait before I mention the one thing about this place I don't like besides the boys.  And unlike them there is nothing I can do about this other reality. Part of it involves contraception. And other methods of preventing the worst thing in the world next to being airdropped into a volcano. The other part involves the wise knowing how much I don't enjoy the company of children. As much as hearing fingernails on a chalkboard do I like hearing... Ah. They left. The parents of the fucking toddler that was a foot from crawling on me.  How do you get ten dead babies out of a trashcan? Pitchfork. How do you paint a wall? Throw dead babies against it. HOW CAN ANYONE BE SO STUP...

I just put up the announcement that I'll be at Washington Square Park every day at 4:20 and 5:00. Now I don't want to go. I'm in a bad mood because you're not taking me seriously. If you were you'd be messaging me. Or at least reading, listening and watching my stuff. I'm in a "fuck everybody" mood. I don't wanna go pick up my embroidered hat. I don't wanna leave this room. I don't want to put any effort into this campaign today. Whether I'll get so bored that I'll go down anyway I don't know. I hate staying in my room smoking and playing online. I'm so goddamn tired of playing on the internet, etc. I love being outside, doing physical stuff. I love adventure. I love a great challenge. But what I don't love is putting a ton of effort into getting attention and getting very little attention. If this article was for anyone other than me I wouldn't bother writing it. I did that earlier.

Hey N.Y. father fuckin' U!  I know you see me. I am impossible to miss. Whether sitting in my bomb-ass jacket around the "skate park" or roaring around "the racetrack" (the outer walking ring), you see me. THERE'S NOTHING TO BE SCARED OF. I won't win many elections if I harm my base.  I am aware I exude a tremendous presence. That's the idea. Do you want your Congressperson to be a little pipsqueak like Dan Goldman? No. You want me to be able to terrify-to-his-socks Elon Musk. I GOT HIM. Please grow a pair of ovaries and talk to me.  I don't want to tell you what to do because I don't like men telling women what to do. Consider it a suggestion. I don't want to be a smartass either. But I'm frustrated. I have been on campus for ~ten days and I am not famous yet. What's taking so father fuckin' long? You may wonder why I swapped out "father" for "mother". I'm trying to change the balance of power in socie...

I am here. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Wolf Alexander < congressmanalexander@gmail.com > Date: Thu, Feb 13, 2025, 11:57 Subject: Very Big Press Release To: < abelson@nytimes.com >, < azam.ahmed@nytimes.com >, < alderman@nytimes.com >, < sam.anderson@nytimes.com >, < bappelbaum@nytimes.com >, < tarango@nytimes.com >, < randya@nytimes.com >, < asimov@nytimes.com >, < austen@nytimes.com >, < peter.baker@nytimes.com >, < kim.barker@nytimes.com >, < brooks@nytimes.com >, < barron@nytimes.com >, < ebarry@nytimes.com >, < Pam.Belluck@nytimes.com >, < belson@nytimes.com >, < tara@nytimes.com >, < onpolitics@nytimes.com >, < techtip@nytimes.com >, < alan.blinder@nytimes.com >, < waltbog@nytimes.com >, < bosman@nytimes.com >, < graham.bowley@nytimes.com >, < keith.bradsher@nytimes.com >, < branch@nytime...

Have you noticed it's a rectangle? A square is a rectangle but not every rectangle is a square. ***** I chased a creepy man out of his perch tonight. On the outer walking ring, there are a few open circular patios.  I did about five laps. I smelled the same cigar being smoked from the same male mouth every time I passed. That's a really long time to smoke a cigar. Something told me that he was just staring at all of you in the dark.  So on my last time around, I decided I was gonna get rid of him. I went and sat down on a bench at the circular patio. And I spent the next fifteen minutes making him uncomfortable until he left. I know how to make a boy uncomfortable. I do the opposite of what I do to you. When I want a man to move from my vicinity, I simply think about how I could kill him. And although I don't ever have those weapons of yore with me, I pretend I do in my mind and they get the message.  Also, there's the important element of aiming my ...

I am heavily armoured now! Thanks Jose and Ladies at Embroidery House and Son, on Broadway! by Times Square.  This jacket is now going to make every other Congressperson jealous.