Writing Kills the Radio Star

Hey New York University!!

I am the mega-celebrity of Washington Square Park, every afternoon at 4:20.

I am very friendly. Unless you are a man. 

Ladies. I am obviously dressed to impress you. But ethically, I can't hit on you. Trust me, I want to. But I am trying to set a good example for all future politicians.

1. Don't be a misogynist asshole. 

There's no need for me to hit on you. If you want me, I am sitting there waiting, most of all, to talk to you. 

*If you have a poltical table, or other effort at public attention, I will probably give you my card.

I'm single and love is my first life priority, but if you're not interested in me personally, I will still happily and without other intention talk politics with you.

*****

I am going to clear out, all, the misogynist assholes, from Washington Square Park.

All the cat-callers. All the staring lurkers. All the overly loud tough guys. All the boys who bother you. I am throwing them out. Or changing their character. Whichever comes first.

Feel free to tell me of a bad actor. If any man is making you uncomfortable, in or outside Washington Square, I can suggest solutions for you to "fix" him yourself. Or I can do it if you prefer.

*****

I hope I, do not make you uncomfortable. I have hung out for about a week now. 

When I walk, at hell-for-leather speed, on the outer circuit, I realize I can be somewhat intimidating. I am 6'3", hiking like I used to drive the backroads.

I try, my very best, to be courteous and respectful. I slow down. Move as far over as possible. Wait for you to pass. And most importantly, despite being tremendously atttacted to almost all of you, I don't stare. I don't follow. I don't approach. I notice you're hot calmly, while changing the subject in my head.

When I am at my "office" spot, usually around the center ring, I am not staring at you even if I'm wearing sunglasses. 

I'll admit, I evesdrop a bit. I love your voices. I try not to listen to the details.

When I film I try to not catch you in the frame. Sorry if I do. If any video I make includes you in passing and you want me to take it down, or edit you out, I will.

If anything, I am doing is bothering you, I promise I will not get upset if you ask me to stop. I will listen completely to your complaint and fix the problem if it's practicable.

Please do not send any boy/male/man up to talk to me. They will return to you with their tails between their legs.

I am absolutely harmless if you are a woman.

I want to win my election and find true love. I do not want a single one of you to have anything bad to say about me.

Please do not mistake my shyness for weakness. I am trying to be unobtrusive, since Washington Square Park is my campaign headquarters until January, 2027. 

It's your Park, NYU girls.