Destroying Rumors Before They Start

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#MeNever


Dear Centene Employee of record,

You are required to ensure Ms. Feinstein Krulewitz receives this email. It is electronic document service. As an officer of the company she works for, or did, you are being notified of your federal "suggestion" to forward this to her WITHOUT READING BELOW THE INDICATED BORDER, BELOW.

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DO NOT READ BELOW THIS LINE IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE CALLED TO TESTIFY LATER.

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Deena,

Alex. Penn. Poker. Caroline. Please do not attempt, as a fun Karen-like activity next year, to make up stories about us. It was consensual in case you don't agree. Not even a #MeToo. You know how I know? She was on top.

End of story. Everything else was safety. For some reason you and Jess thought I did something wrong. I'm unaware of what it was. To be explicit, if she misunderstood what I was thinking: 

I pulled out prior to danger, but was worried nonetheless, so I encouraged Plan B. Not having used a condom which she was perfectly aware of because of unexpected passion. I wasn't anticipating or thinking actively about having sex with her. I figured we'd just fool around again. I had condoms nearby. 

That is absolutely the complete truth.

I am soon to be famous and later to win an election. Why you would oppose me politically and try to sabotage my campaign I can't imagine, because I am the best thing to happen for women's rights since bra burning. Really.

But maybe your life sucks and since you didn't like me 20 years ago, you still won't. You would have to lie. And be more convincing than I am telling the truth.

Cheers! Happy to give you and family or just family a Capitol tour in 2027.

--Wolf Alexander

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